Lean Into

                     Drip. 

                         Drop. 

                              Drip. 

                                 

Hugs and kisses were the first order of the day as my children headed out the door for their first day back to school. No one in our household looks forward to back-to-school season. It is an enormous blessing to live in a household full of love, comfort, and safety where enjoyment of the family unit is top priority. It makes back-to-school time bitter sweet. There is much excitement about the new. New teachers, making new friends, a new year of opportunity for learning and growth. Not so much excitement is felt for waking early, boredom in the classroom, parting with the security and comfort of home. BTST is hard on mom too. Watching my loved ones head out the door into the big wide world.

Today I am choosing the words lean into.

I am choosing to lean into this new school year with trust that none of us will not fall. Faith the kids will have the best year ever. Lean in with imagination for all that I will achieve during the day. Lean in and surrender to the flow of life. As I lean in I will whisper my intentions of success to the cloth of the Universe knowing it holds the magic necessary to weave my creative dreams into reality. This new year, new season, new cup of free time will be filled to overflowing with goodness. I vow to fill my cup daily with happiness, health, creativity, peace and love allowing my children to step off the bus directly into the overflow.

             Ah yes.

                     Drip.

                         Drop.

                              Drip.

                                  Drop.

My cup will overflow.

Wisdom

The years teach much which the days never knew. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

© Lynn Retzlaff

Never does nature say one thing and wisdom another. ~Juvenal, Satires

© Lynn Retzlaff

My husband and I took the kids to the zoo this past Monday. A much needed and deserved day of enjoyment and family time.

As we wandered the zoo looking at animal after beautiful animal, absorbing all the educational facts our minds could hold on a hot humid day, I fell in love over and over again. So many beautiful and fascinating creatures live on this planet. My inner child surfaced and wished the age old wish to be able to talk to the animals. I would love to be able to connect with them and understand what they are thinking and feeling, especially the elephants.

To see the world through the eyes of an elephant. Wouldn't that be fascinating? The history they must hold! I wonder if they tell stories to their young, passing knowledge from generation to generation.

Perhaps my love for the elephant is in direct relation to my love for grand old trees. Think of the similarities. Their color, texture, massive size, longevity, noble stature. Both are seen as wise old sages. I wonder if the wrinkles on elephants read like the lines in the trunks of trees, giving glimpses into their history. (Wonder. Another component to wisdom, as one feeds the other)

Wisdom is not something that can be rushed. One must slow down and learn with intent in order to gain wisdom. One must take the time to care about the knowledge that presents itself. Perhaps that is why the elephant and the tree are both representatives of wisdom. They are both noble slow/still beings that seem to absorb the stories of that which surround them. Wisdom through observation and osmosis.

The Little Things

So very often the little things are really the big things.

During our recent trip to Florida I came down with bronchitis and was quite sick. I plugged along like a trooper as to not wreck the fun of the rest of the family. At one of our gas stops my kids left the van to stretch. They found little flowers and greens peeking out of the cracks of the concrete. They picked the little bits and presented me with a tiny bouquet. They had noticed my suffering and wanted me to feel better. Such a small gesture that filled my heart and stretched a smile across my face. Love is the best medicine.

May your day be filled with little blessings.

Trying

I have been trying to post for some time. I miss this space. It has proven quite hard to find the quiet time and peace of mind to delve into writing lately. Here is a short list of reasons why
1. a week of bronchitis followed by a week of a wicked virus
2. root canal turned jaw infection cured by second antibiotic
3. threw out my lower back making daily chores feel like daily nightmares and setting me further behind
4. a week of bad news around the country bombarding me while I fought flood waters in my basement
5. three kids home sick today (praying I am spared this go-round)

I have quite a few posts in the draft stage. The 'writing zone' has eluded me lately. When a quiet moment presents itself, I have been inclined to grab a mug of something warm and dive into a book, if only for a moment. Temporary escape at its finest.

Exhausted

My husband was called away on business last week. His company was shipping him down to Florida for a few days so he could train some of their guys down there. It was spring break for the kids so we tagged along. The kids and I have never been to the east coast so it was pretty special.

I was sick the whole time and am still trying to recoup so I'm not feeling real chatty, but I will say that the trip was good for me in many ways. This morning I was driving my daughter to school and a word settled into my lap. It made itself at home and snuggled up to me nudging and purring like a new kitten.  It felt so good that I decided I would take it home and spend some time with it. Perhaps it will stick around for a while. Perhaps it is here to stay.

The little word that came to play?

Possibility.

This is Ruby Falls. It is a waterfall found deep in a mountain in Chattanooga, TN. The day before we left for our trip we took the van in for an oil change and brake job. The guy working the counter asked where we were going. When we said "Florida", he said, "If you get a chance, stop at Ruby Falls. It's one of the greatest memories I have as a child." We went home, I looked it up. Amazingly, it was located just a few miles from where I reserved our hotel for the drive down. I had never been to Chattanooga before and picked it on a whim. We spent the night at the hotel and went to Ruby Falls first thing in the morning before heading out. I am going to bring donuts to the shop this week in thanks for the great travel tip as it was a very special part of our trip. The waterfall was lit up with many lights and there was dramatic music playing. Quite the scene! The entire half mile trek through the mountain (streams, stalagmites, stalactites) was amazing.

Perception

My last post was on the heavy side. Since I like to mix things up, I thought I would post another funny to counter the heavy. Today is March 19th. The windchill outside is below zero. Spring, WHERE ARE YOU!!! In the spirit of positive thinking, I am holding faith that spring is mere days away. In honor of spring, I have been researching planting and gardening ideas. 

I have a son who loves cactus and succulents. He actually collects them, or at least tries. Believe it or not, we have a cactus eating cat! You heard that right. My cat eats all plants, including cactus. This has caused my plant loving household to become plant barren as he has gotten deathly sick off of several of the plants he ingested. Being plant lovers without the ability to grow houseplants is depressing. Being plant lovers not able to have houseplants in a state that has an outside growing season of what feels like two months is even more depressing! Still, we do what we can and that means grow as much as we can while we can!

I was researching plants for my garden, flowers for Darling Daughter's Fairy Flower Garden, and hardy plants for my cactus/succulent loving son. I came upon a site that had these awesome spherical succulent collections. I became intrigued, engulfed, obsessed in figuring out how to grow some for our patio this year. I was so fully engaged in the process of learning how to make them, I didn't notice the name they were given. Actually, I had read the name many times, it just never struck my funny bone until I stepped away from the page to get some coffee and sat back down. At that moment my perception of the name changed and I had a laugh-out-loud-alone-with-self moment. I had spent the last twenty minutes with my face inches away from Succulent Balls! Ha ha ha! (click link for awesome garden idea)

Get it? 

No?

Did you click the link?

Now do you get it?

Never mind. 
(sporting sheepish grin as I slink away)

☺

The Funny I Promised Yesterday

 

     I believe it is possible my daughter has a literal heart of gold. Her disposition is so sweet, I swear she could cause cavities. I have never heard a negative or mean thing come from her mouth. Ever! That's why, when on Valentine's Day she presented this card to her three older brothers, I was so surprised!

Image © Madelynn Retzlaff

     I don't care for the word "hate" and try to disuade my children from using it unless they really, really, really thought it through and still mean it (usually reserved for non-human subjects like "I hate violence").
     I looked at her sweet face smiling up at her big brothers and saw the chuckles they released. When they passed the card to me, I was surprised into silence followed by roaring laughter. For some reason, I found it to be the funniest card evah!
     Perhaps it is her innocent age and nature lacking the full understanding of what she wrote. Perhaps it was her genuine loving delivery of the card. Perhaps it was her unguarded honesty! Whatever the reason, the card ended in love so it's all good!

My Little Pumpkins...

... carved their pumpkins!

 

 

Accountable

I have added a button to the top of the right hand column of my blog. Do you see it? It's a word counter. A NaNoWriMo word counter.

NaNoWriMo - (from their website) is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing on November 1. The goal is to write a 50,000-word (approximately 175-page) novel by 11:59:59 PM on November 30.

I have attempted this competition for three years now, always throwing in the towel fairly early. I felt guilty for taking the time, my inner critic talked me out of it, it was too hard. A few of the reasons for my past failures. This year, I am determined to win! I am telling family. I am telling friends. Now I am telling you. The more people that know, the more real it will be, the more I will feel held accountable.


This is Lennon. He loves our printer. He waits patiently for pages to print and is beyond thrilled when they arrive. I am going to tape this picture above my printer so he can hold me accountable (as much as a cat can).

A friend sent me this picture. She cannot be here to breathe down my neck. She wants this for me. Bad. She knows how important it is to me. I will hang this picture by my computer. It is to remind me she's watching, holding me accountable. 

If you pop in throughout the month of November, keep an eye on the word counter. See how I'm progressing. Feel free to cheer me on! If I slip, give me a little poke, but please be gentle!

Have you struggled with a self-challenge in the past?

What tricks and/or tools did you use to overcome?

Special Day

yesterday

special day

time away

children play

air was chill

all was still

nature's will

got my fill

football game

sure was lame

just the same

wouldn't change

fire warm

in his arms

free from harm

night of charm

happy and fed

all was said

tucked in bed

sleepy head

another year new

change of view
magic grew

wish came true

Dear Grandma,

My grandma helped me today.

I was in a really bad way.

I was stuck in an emotional black hole.

The vacuum pressure was sucking me deeper.

I stopped and thought about my grandma.

About how much I missed her.

How much I wished she were still here to give me advice.

Her advice was alway so practical and smart and firm.

Her guidance dished out so matter of fact with a side of love.

I pictured myself going to her Catholic Church (which has also left this earth).

I imagined myself sliding into a pew and kneeling in prayer.

I imagined her rosary and how it would feel in my hands.

I imagined finding her spirit there.

I cried. She heard me.

The answer was loud and clear.

Peace came over me.

Just

like

that.

Where did the message come from?

It was so clear. So real. So matter of fact.

So Grandma.

I heard my Grandma speak to me.

Not with my ears. With my heart.

She is still with me, a part of me, always will be.

I draw from her faith. The strength she left behind.

Instilled in me through years of love, guidance and care.

I keep her alive through my love for her.

Love that is undying.

Dear Grandma,

Thank you for always being there for me. 

I love you.

Sunset. Highway26. Year 2008. 

Quiet

This blog has been quiet lately

I have been feeling quiet.

It feels good so I'm going with it.

I have taken to walking in the wee hours of the morning.

The light is absolutely irresistible.

The sun slowly rises and peeks through the trees like a child peering out from the covers,

"Is it morning yet?"

The rays stretch long and hard.

Day breaks through dusk with full serenade from feathered friends.

We splurged.

A canoe.

Early birthday present for yours truly.

Not in the budget.

Value of peace and serenity?

Priceless!

It's been a long, hard summer.

I have spent a lot of time thinking, reflecting, learning. 

The rest of the summer will be spent living in the moment

appreciating exactly what is in front of me.

Which is everything.

Keeping Busy

Four kids

summer break

back-to-school season

eight birthdays to recognize

busy, busy busy!

I was present shopping the other day.

I ran across this book. It made my heart swell.

My husband surprised me with it the very next day!

If you click on this link, you can buy your very own.

Bonus

There's a video of the author/illustrator! He's great!

image source Amazon.com

You can also go HERE to see images of the book, the author and a slew of other images that showed up in the search.

Did you know Mumford & Sons has a new album coming out?

It's called Babel.

You can catch a sneak peek HERE.

Haven't heard of them?

Well! 

Let me tell you!

They are GREAT!!!!!

Looking for a morsel to try?

Allow me!

Now You!

I want to hear about you!

What have you been up to?

What new discoveries have you found?

Do tell! 

Busy, busy, dreadfully busy...

My first born graduates this weekend.

I had full intention of putting out a heartfelt,

well thought out post about this mountain of a milestone.

As would be expected, I'm too busy to blog about it!

Instead, I will post a picture of the pretty beanbags I made for the beanbag toss.

So quick and easy and it turns out the family loves them! 

They've been practicing juggling, playing catch,

and making up various games aside from the originally intended beanbag toss.

It doesn't take much time to make them.

If you have some scrap fabric laying around, I highly recommend you make some!

Fun for the whole family!

p.s. I cheated. They're really filled with rice.

Makeshift Studio

It's been a busy couple of weeks with more busy to come.

End of school field trips/events/wrap-up multiplied by four (kids).

My oldest graduates High School which means P*A*R*T*Y!!!

Which means house maintenance, planning, mailing, cleaning, prepping, cooking, shopping....

What's a girl to do when she desperately needs, but cannot find time to relax and/or create?

Why, set up a makeshift studio/respite spot

out in the yard, of course!

A nice little spot for the family to hop in and take a quick nap,

paint a little picture, eat a snack, or do a little daydreaming!

Normally this is a play tent. Lately it's been "Recharge Central".

What are some creative ways you take breaks from the grind?

Recharge Central

Odd One Out

Cutesy, little, fun encaustic piece.

Odd One Out

Speaking of fun...

The kids and I went for a walk on a local trail.

We spotted a vine that hung from the trees across the trail.

My son tried it first.

Darling Daughter was second.

Doesn't it look fun? Yeah! That's what I thought.

This is me thinking I'm young and light like a child!

I grab the vine, head up the little hill...

What you don't see is me lying flat on my back on the

right side of the path!!! Oh the vine worked alright. 

I didn't get enough height so I yanked real hard trying to

pull myself higher. SMASH!!!! Down went the vine.

Down I went. Flat on my back lying in the ditch on the

on the right side of the path. It knocked the breath out of me,

jolted my neck and cut up my arm! Am I getting too old for this stuff? Never! I got right back up and laughed my butt off!

My son (bless his heart) came rushing over out of concern.

If it would have been my oldest, he would have seen this as

the perfect photo op!!! Can't say that I would blame him!

"You cannot always wait for the perfect time, sometimes you must dare to jump. Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have or could have had. No one wait forever."   ~ Mark Twain (I believe)

Faith Continued

 I did not choose this year's word.

It chose me.

Faith

At first I was scared.

That's how I roll.

Fear.

How am I to tackle a year of faith?

I don't even know if I have faith?

What does faith even mean?

Letting go of control?

I work hard to have the little control I have!

That's when I realized that faith is the opposite of fear

and I have always lived holding the hand of fear.

My challenge is to drop fear's hand and pick up the hand of faith.

Faith

is 

trust

letting go

dreaming

believing in something bigger than ourselves

 

We get one shot at life

We must choose how to spend it.

Live dying

or

die living.

Faith.

Yeah.

I could use a good dose of that.

I'll give you five reasons I am choosing to work at walking in faith.

Christmas Day Nature Hike 2012

Faith Quotes

Faith is not without worry or care, but faith is fear that has said a prayer.  ~Author Unknown

Faith is courage; it is creative while despair is always destructive.  ~David S. Muzzey

As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit.  ~Emmanuel

In faith there is enough light for those who want to believe and enough shadows to blind those who don't.  ~Blaise Pascal

Faith can move mountains, but don't be surprised if God hands you a shovel.  ~Author Unknown

Feed your faith and your fears will starve to death.  ~Author Unknown    

Warning!!!! Rant!!!!!

Warning: The following is a rant. If you're sensitive to this kind of thing, please back slowly away from the computer for your own good. If you care to indulge in a little personal ranting, I sure could use some advice, hugs, support. Heck, you can even join in if the spirit moves you!

I've been trying to plan Christmas for my family. How freakin' hard can it be? I grew up with a mom and two brothers (plus Grandma up the street). That's it. Five of us. F I V E ! Christmas should be easy. But it's not. We have lost grandma. That leaves four. Easier yet, right? WRONG!!!! Every year I'm stuck throwing Christmas as my mother does not deal well. My brothers put their (no longer) estranged father first, their in-laws first, nap time first, work first, everything first. I get the job of finding a few measly hours on the friggin' calendar where everyone is free. They started talking January. We're not even going gifts. What's so hard about finding two measly hours to spend together? No one even lives far!!!! They don't put it priority, they don't sacrifice, they have to be "free". BS!!!! There were FOUR of us in that house growing up through all the shit. We only had each other! FOUR!!! Why is that not of value? Why is it not priority? Why am I stuck figuring and re-figuring and re-figuring when we can celebrate Christmas because nothing works for anyone else? Any time works for me! I'm free! Guess what? I'm trying to make everyone else happy and I AM MISERABLE!!!! I should have moved ages ago but I held on to threads. Frayed threads. I'm reduced to tears. It matters to me and I wish it didn't. Now I kick myself. I am this close (holding thumb and pointer mm's apart) to cancelling the Christmas we can't seem to pull off... again. This is the note I will send out.

 ◆

i am

ebenezer

and you can

all suck it this

holiday season. i'm

do

ne

Come to think of it, why do we bother trying to get together  for Christmas if it's so blessed hard? I think some of my family members might be athiest, none of us were brought up religious, and we're not exchanging gifts! Hmmm....   bah humbug!

Honesty

Do you ever hear a word, a normal word, a word you use all the time,

and suddenly it sounds different and you think

"That is the strangest sounding word."

Then you write it down and realize it even looks strange.

No?

Maybe it's just me.

Okay, check this.

I'm really trying to be more honest with myself.

Remember my post about preparing for a party and wanting to be real?

I have been faced with another challenge.

Due to my extended families schedules, I am forced to hold Christmas this Sunday.

Not my choice. I'm not ready. I cannot afford a tree until the following weekend.

I thought about putting one on a charge card but that seems ludicrous.

Instead, I have decided to be honest. I put up this...

Yes, friends. It is a Charlie Brown Christmas tree!

I love it!

It was given to me by a friend.

It is fitting for our upcoming gathering.

We are all struggling in this economy.

We have all agreed to forgo gifts.

Once again, in the spirit of honesty, I thought about saying, 

"Screw the house too. I'm not cleaning one lick."

Yup. That's honesty.

I do say screw.

And I don't like to clean for others.

That's when the word hit me funny.

Honesty.

 I wrote it down.

Not only did it sound funny but it looked funny too. 

I went a step further and looked up the definition.

Honesty

1. the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness and fairness. 

2. truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness. 

3. freedom from deceit or fraud. 

I thought, "It kind of looks like 'hone' and 'sty'.

So I looked them up as well.

Hone

to make more acute or effective; improve; perfect

Sty

1. a pen in which pigs are housed and fed. 2. any filthy or corrupt place

 Ha!

Busted.

I was trying to use honesty as an excuse to be lazy and not clean at all.

Cop out.

I like a clean house, just not an anal retentive white glove house.

It looks like I better get honest with my bad self and hone my sty for Christmas!

Bah Humbug!

Minute by Minute

Life

Time

~~~

Valuable

Fleeting

I had an eye opening first few hours of my day today.

It really has me thinking about life.

The big picture.

The little things.

What matters.

Love

I woke all my children and one by one helped them get ready for school,

hugged them goodbye, told them I loved them and wished them a happy day.

Joy

I stood at the patio door and watched the world through a rain streaked window.

The cold, dreary morning was not bringing me down, rather, I enjoyed watching the raindrops race to the bottom and felt happy to have a warm, safe house from which to watch the cold, dank weather.

Sorrow

I sat at my computer to check on my fellow bloggers.

Tears swelled and ran down my face just as the rain runs down my window.

I found out one of my fellow bloggers was just diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer.

Such a talented, vibrant, wonderful woman.

She needs prayers. I am sending them in mass.

Gratitude

Another blogger had a video on her blog this morning.

It was so inspiring and touching and important that I plan on using it as a morning meditation.

It is touching, inspiring and beautiful.

Visit the link. You will be moved.

Two little hours were filled with so very much.

Life

Time

~~~ 

Valuable

Fleeting

Make every moment count.