As The Fog Lifted

Gingerly placing toe on patio, shiver speeding up my spine, I pulled the blanket tighter. Tucking into chair for morning moments of precious, silent journal time. The morning was anything but silent.

A chill in the air compounded by fog lay heavy like a blanket not quite kicked off by sleepy Mother Earth. Cricket crescendos swelling in pulses, birds singing and stretching, traffic swooshing in the distance, and the thumping sound of highway workers displacing dirt in order to bypass the designated piece of earth.

The sun fought hard against the dark as it always does and won just the same. Bright hot light burning through the fog, lifting it now well above the trees. Everything becoming clearer, warmer, sweeter somehow. Flowers stretching and dropping their dew, bees buzzing, bringing to life their low humming tone.

I meant to journal for an hour. I really did. How is one supposed to concentrate with all this life going on around? Beautiful, masterful life.

Morning time. Magic time. My time.

Little Things

Summer schmumer, what a bummer. This summer's been kind of a drag. Actually, it's been a real drag. We started with a flooded basement followed by a mess created from waterproofing said basement, followed by the discovery of mold/mildew as a result of said flood followed by forceful throwing of personal belongings, furniture and tearing out of drywall and carpet to remove hazard from asthmatic son's bedroom, followed by a broken garage door, followed by freak health condition causing unbearable pain resolving itself after a week of drugs, dentists, doctors and chiropractic care all trying to figure out where all the pain was coming from and why my left cheek was swollen and paralyzed. And we desperately need a new roof before winter! Whew! What a mouthful!

Thank God for the little things that keep me going and poke happiness into the crazed cloud of calamity. Little things like children's laughter, impressive skies, bumble bees, drippy peaches, singing birds, reading books, snuggling, funny movies and snapdragons that volunteer to grow each year unexpectedly planted by chipmunks traveling through the neighborhood. 

Sometimes when you are hang dogging, when things are looking down, it's up to you to find the little things, to look up and get your head back off the ground.

Care to share your list of little things creating smiles this summer?

Wisdom

The years teach much which the days never knew. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

© Lynn Retzlaff

Never does nature say one thing and wisdom another. ~Juvenal, Satires

© Lynn Retzlaff

My husband and I took the kids to the zoo this past Monday. A much needed and deserved day of enjoyment and family time.

As we wandered the zoo looking at animal after beautiful animal, absorbing all the educational facts our minds could hold on a hot humid day, I fell in love over and over again. So many beautiful and fascinating creatures live on this planet. My inner child surfaced and wished the age old wish to be able to talk to the animals. I would love to be able to connect with them and understand what they are thinking and feeling, especially the elephants.

To see the world through the eyes of an elephant. Wouldn't that be fascinating? The history they must hold! I wonder if they tell stories to their young, passing knowledge from generation to generation.

Perhaps my love for the elephant is in direct relation to my love for grand old trees. Think of the similarities. Their color, texture, massive size, longevity, noble stature. Both are seen as wise old sages. I wonder if the wrinkles on elephants read like the lines in the trunks of trees, giving glimpses into their history. (Wonder. Another component to wisdom, as one feeds the other)

Wisdom is not something that can be rushed. One must slow down and learn with intent in order to gain wisdom. One must take the time to care about the knowledge that presents itself. Perhaps that is why the elephant and the tree are both representatives of wisdom. They are both noble slow/still beings that seem to absorb the stories of that which surround them. Wisdom through observation and osmosis.

Sky Poem

When feeling sad or feeling down

I gaze to the sky to turn it around.

With kids in the yard we flop to the ground

watching skyward as the cloud circus passes our town.

Storms roll in, sun shines down

depositing a beautiful rainbow without a sound.

Endless sky should make me feel small

instead it leaves me feeling part of it all.

Lately

I haven't been writing in this space lately. For a long time I couldn't figure out the reason why. A million lot of different thoughts came to mind. I'm too busy. I'm not feeling inspired. I don't have anything to say. I have too much to say. Nobody wants to hear what I have to say. My studio flooded, my camera broke and my computer died. That leaves me with no artwork, no pictures, and no computer to work from, as well as a head full of cluttered words

Today, I am feeling inspired. I'm busy, but making time. I have a lot to say and if you want to read it you can, if not, that's okay too. My studio is still in shambles, and my computer needs fixing but I have this little iPad and it does have a lot of capabilities including a camera (albeit not the greatest).

Today I dive back into my page. Into my purge. I have stifled myself for long enough. It's time to dump the load that sits in my brain. Unclog the mess that's been blocking my flow. I miss this space!

Blogging from a mobile device is new to me. I'm not sure how it works. I might make mistakes. Look like a fool. No matter. No more excuses. No more waiting around for perfection. I will live my life as it is and be thankful for what I have.

The flowers pictured here (which I cannot figure out how to center on the page... I digress...) are very special to me. My husband and I were entering the parking-lot of Farm & Fleet (a farm store with so much more!) when I spotted this little daisy plant growing between the curb and the blacktop lot. I knew it was destined for instant death from traffic or weed killer. The nature lover that I am, I  had to save it! 

"Honey! Look at that beautiful flower! It's going to DIE THERE!!!"

For those of you that don't know me in person, yes, I am THAT dramatic.

"We have to do something! We have to save it! It is a survivor! Living out of that tiny crack in that barren parking-lot. How did it get there? How did it make it this far without proper care and a healthy, safe, nurturing environment?"

Oh Mother Nature, you are Good!!!!! You teach me about myself all the time with your wild and beautiful ways. (As I type this I am relating to the flower. Never realized that before.)

At any rate, my husband knows my passion for the natural world, knows my heart is ten times too big for my own good, knows I cannot help my desperation to save as helping to save others helps save me.

He parked the car, pulled the plant and handed it to me with a smile. 

I took it home, planted it next to my front door and watched. She was a tiny little thing, about six inches high with a few little flowers. She struggled to accept her sudden change. She appeared to wither but hung on, small, still, willing. I watered her, talked to her, loved her. She overwintered without a trace. This spring? She showed up huge, beautiful and full of grace! Just look at her now!

The Little Things

So very often the little things are really the big things.

During our recent trip to Florida I came down with bronchitis and was quite sick. I plugged along like a trooper as to not wreck the fun of the rest of the family. At one of our gas stops my kids left the van to stretch. They found little flowers and greens peeking out of the cracks of the concrete. They picked the little bits and presented me with a tiny bouquet. They had noticed my suffering and wanted me to feel better. Such a small gesture that filled my heart and stretched a smile across my face. Love is the best medicine.

May your day be filled with little blessings.

In Love

Morning beat me up today.

Tossed me like an ocean wave.

I swam, I fought, I found shore.

Safe and sound, I struggle no more.

~ ~ ~

Speaking of ocean wave, here's a picture of 3 of my 4

standing at the ocean shore

absorbing the magic of the full moon.

~ ~ ~

I'm in love.

And it is good.

Exhausted

My husband was called away on business last week. His company was shipping him down to Florida for a few days so he could train some of their guys down there. It was spring break for the kids so we tagged along. The kids and I have never been to the east coast so it was pretty special.

I was sick the whole time and am still trying to recoup so I'm not feeling real chatty, but I will say that the trip was good for me in many ways. This morning I was driving my daughter to school and a word settled into my lap. It made itself at home and snuggled up to me nudging and purring like a new kitten.  It felt so good that I decided I would take it home and spend some time with it. Perhaps it will stick around for a while. Perhaps it is here to stay.

The little word that came to play?

Possibility.

This is Ruby Falls. It is a waterfall found deep in a mountain in Chattanooga, TN. The day before we left for our trip we took the van in for an oil change and brake job. The guy working the counter asked where we were going. When we said "Florida", he said, "If you get a chance, stop at Ruby Falls. It's one of the greatest memories I have as a child." We went home, I looked it up. Amazingly, it was located just a few miles from where I reserved our hotel for the drive down. I had never been to Chattanooga before and picked it on a whim. We spent the night at the hotel and went to Ruby Falls first thing in the morning before heading out. I am going to bring donuts to the shop this week in thanks for the great travel tip as it was a very special part of our trip. The waterfall was lit up with many lights and there was dramatic music playing. Quite the scene! The entire half mile trek through the mountain (streams, stalagmites, stalactites) was amazing.

Today

I have been sitting at my desk all day today.

Taxes, bills, phone calls.

Busy work.

Boring.

Reflecting on my computer screen from the great outdoors behind me is a beautiful, peaceful snowfall. 

Watching the silent snow make its way to the ground covering the world in a blanket of purity, a stirring takes place inside me and the peaceful feeling spreads.

Thank you Mother Nature!

You knew just what I needed today.

Winter came down to our home one night quietly pirouetting in on silvery-toed slippers of snow, and we were children once again. ~Bill Morgan, Jr.

The Write to Survive

I want to write.

There.

I said it.

I really, really want to write.

I want to write something brilliant.

Something moving.

Something important and inspiring and...

The same advice is given over and over.

Write what you know.

What if people don't want to know what I know?

What if I don't want people to know what I know?

What if I don't even want to know what I know?

What if what I know doesn't matter?

What if I know too much? too little?

I want my words to matter.

I don't want them to be judged.

Good luck with that, right?

This piece of wood represents how I feel lately.

Weathered and worn yet beautiful to the right eye.

So much lost yet so much left.

Fragile yet strong.

Lying silently still, full of untold stories.

I often feel lost.

Perhaps more hidden.

Like the decomposing log in the woods.

Quietly blending in, trying to survive,

yet in spite of all efforts, slowly weathering away.

Waiting to be found, to be seen, to have its beauty and story noticed, captured, appreciated.

Weathered and worn after many a storm.

My eyes bore deeper into the decomposing layers.

The answer emerges gently.

Life. Inside.

Much of my story is that of survival.

I still have so much life inside.

Screw survival.

It's time to live!

Weathered

I have not been feeling very chatty lately.

Wrapping up a very hard year.

Anxiously awaiting the unfolding of a new and (I pray) promising one. The recent brash of violence in the news has put its finishing touches on my depression.

I feel fragile, weathered, pulled tight, a bit like a barbed wire.

 I decided to go back and visit the pictures of a carving my husband recently finished. He was commissioned by a local to carve a female tree spirit rising out of her tree. She met with us. She chose him for the honor of carving. She honored me by suggesting he use me as his model. He made the spirit pregnant (unlike me) with new life rising out of the dying tree. Vine wrapped around her belly, arms raised in praise and protection of all that is natural in the world. She's a bit sad. Aren't we all?

Centering oneself with nature.

Sometimes it's the only way to feel okay.

NaNoWriMo 2012 - Day 20

NaNoWriMo Day 20 - 

     Three days of rest, massage and chiropractic seem to be doing the trick. Fibromyalgia is a fickle disorder that I must learn to play nicely with. When I push it around, it always wins.

     Yesterday I jumped back into the game getting in slightly over 1300 words. Rather than fretting over a five day weekend with four kids at home, I see five days of kids sleeping in while I wake before dawn to gently caress the keyboard in hopes it responds in kind.

     I chose today's quote because it's fitting and feels good. Smile with me. ☺

"There are few things, apparently, more helpful to a writer than having once been a weird little kid." ~Katherine Paterson

Found in a friend's garden still hanging on.  -  November 2012

Thankful

Hurricane Sandy.

The weathermen called it the perfect storm.

Looks to me to be a complete disaster.

Today I intended to post a few pictures of pretty fall leaves.

After the storm, it seemed so trivial. I was feeling guilty.

Then I realized it's not trivial.

It's my life.

Instead of feeling guilty, I choose to feel thankful.

Thankful for the beauty around me.

Thankful my family is safe.

Thankful I have a warm, dry house.

Thankful for clean water.

Thankful for the everyday things we so often take for granted.

I am thankful for humanity's ability to care for one another.

If you're looking for a way to help those affected by Hurricane Sandy, the American Red Cross has a big banner across their home page asking for donations.

My heart goes out to those affected by the storm.

I pray there are no more lives lost.

I pray the healing will begin immediately.

Surprise

I love a good surprise.

Good as in happy!

Not good as in "I got you real good!"

Yesterday there was a wonderful surprise waiting outside as my son was heading out for the bus.

Mother Nature

She's the best!

Special Day

yesterday

special day

time away

children play

air was chill

all was still

nature's will

got my fill

football game

sure was lame

just the same

wouldn't change

fire warm

in his arms

free from harm

night of charm

happy and fed

all was said

tucked in bed

sleepy head

another year new

change of view
magic grew

wish came true

I Lost My Groove

I can't believe I lost my blog groove! I've looked everywhere! One simple hiatus followed by a trip to Florida and it is gone, gone, gone. I guess I'll have to fake it to make it. Come up with a new groove. Head in a new direction. Play around. 

In order to get the ball rolling, I am starting off with a post of random "stuff" (I love random)...



Florida

stingrays at the aquarium in Tampa

lovely little flowers at Saddlebrook Resort

palm with ferns growing on it - cool!

cypress trees (always wondered what they looked like - here are the bottoms!)

tootsie meets gator

Information

I picked up a book at the library a few days ago.

The Collage Workbook

by Randel Plowman

It's fun, colorful and easy to read. It's also full of good information!

For instance, the author shares some great online resources for downloadable images to use in your art. Some are completely copyright free, others supply notes and restrictions on how the images may be used. I can't wait to check them out!

Library of Congress Image Database (has notes on restrictions & copyright use)

Library of Congress' Flickr Photostream (no known copyright restrictions)

Reusable Art (copyright free in the US)

Karen's Whimsy (free images courtesy of the author)

Public Domain Pictures (royalty-free stock photos)

Artists

Here are a few I have been enjoying lately.

David O'Keefe has so much fun and whimsy in his paintings, one cannot help but spread a smile across one's face while indulging in his art.

Chasing the Moon - an up and coming jewelry artist who just happens to be holding a give-a-way!

Jenni Horne whom I have been a fan of for many years now. She paints, she makes jewelry, she teaches art to young children, she inspires! I just love her whimsical style and her cheery use of color. I always feel good after spending time in her space.

I love her even more now that she has introduced me to these delicious paints! I must get my hands on some. Pronto!

Alrighty. Enough random time wasting. Back to work for me. Now... where did I put that 'to-do' list anyway... (shuffle shuffle shuffle).

Hey you! You still here? Well bless your heart for staying through to the end. I want you to know how much I truly appreciate you, my dear reader. I truly, truly do. Thank you for making me feel even a wee bit worthy of your time. What a precious gift you have given me. Thank you!

Quiet

This blog has been quiet lately

I have been feeling quiet.

It feels good so I'm going with it.

I have taken to walking in the wee hours of the morning.

The light is absolutely irresistible.

The sun slowly rises and peeks through the trees like a child peering out from the covers,

"Is it morning yet?"

The rays stretch long and hard.

Day breaks through dusk with full serenade from feathered friends.

We splurged.

A canoe.

Early birthday present for yours truly.

Not in the budget.

Value of peace and serenity?

Priceless!

It's been a long, hard summer.

I have spent a lot of time thinking, reflecting, learning. 

The rest of the summer will be spent living in the moment

appreciating exactly what is in front of me.

Which is everything.

What the...

The Climb

I am a vine

climbing toward glory

clinging to my path the best I know how.

Dark skies move in carrying dangerous winds.

I am tried and tested.

I cling tight.

Reaching and stretching, gaining and growing.

My roots may be short but my reach is long.

I climb on.

Unwelcome guests may enter my space

pulling and tugging,

attempting to sabotage my growth.

I see the light and climb

higher and higher

drawing sustenance from that which grounds me.

Some days leave me tattered and torn.

Weathering storms and droughts

my will is strong.

Do you see me as weed,

as leaf, as vine?

I know God sees me as purely divine.

With Faith, I climb on.

Step Fearlessly

(To break the captivating spell of a melancholy mood, sometimes all one needs to do is play!)

Sadness presses hard against my back.

A dark cloud.

A familiar shroud.

Life’s big questions going unanswered.

I stop, stare, see nothing but darkness ahead

peering from the crevices of the unknown.

Nearby shadows mock my mood

whispering and beckoning me forward to more of the same.

As I move ahead, pulled to darkness, a reflection on the wall stops me in my tracks.

The source of light?

Angels wings.

They sing their choral splendor of faith, their voices familiar and safe.

A feeling of grace washes over me.

The cloak becomes weightless, floating away, carried by the beauty of the natural world.

No longer seeing doom in the darkness,

I move forward planting firm foot to ground and step willingly into my life.