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Laugh A Little

Does this cat make my butt look big? 

Avoiding. I have been avoiding lately. Avoiding a very important writing project that requires time, patience, heart, soul and me. I know it is going to consume me and challenge me and change me. I   know I need to write it for me. 

I tend to put myself last. It's easy to focus on other people when your house is full of them. When they all head out the door for the day I am left with a house that needs attention so I put the house first. 

When the house sits silent and undemanding, I can hear the paper calling. I saddle up with pen in hand. The ink hits the page and the truth spills out. Sometimes it feels overwhelming. Scary. So I humor myself.

Perception

My last post was on the heavy side. Since I like to mix things up, I thought I would post another funny to counter the heavy. Today is March 19th. The windchill outside is below zero. Spring, WHERE ARE YOU!!! In the spirit of positive thinking, I am holding faith that spring is mere days away. In honor of spring, I have been researching planting and gardening ideas. 

I have a son who loves cactus and succulents. He actually collects them, or at least tries. Believe it or not, we have a cactus eating cat! You heard that right. My cat eats all plants, including cactus. This has caused my plant loving household to become plant barren as he has gotten deathly sick off of several of the plants he ingested. Being plant lovers without the ability to grow houseplants is depressing. Being plant lovers not able to have houseplants in a state that has an outside growing season of what feels like two months is even more depressing! Still, we do what we can and that means grow as much as we can while we can!

I was researching plants for my garden, flowers for Darling Daughter's Fairy Flower Garden, and hardy plants for my cactus/succulent loving son. I came upon a site that had these awesome spherical succulent collections. I became intrigued, engulfed, obsessed in figuring out how to grow some for our patio this year. I was so fully engaged in the process of learning how to make them, I didn't notice the name they were given. Actually, I had read the name many times, it just never struck my funny bone until I stepped away from the page to get some coffee and sat back down. At that moment my perception of the name changed and I had a laugh-out-loud-alone-with-self moment. I had spent the last twenty minutes with my face inches away from Succulent Balls! Ha ha ha! (click link for awesome garden idea)

Get it? 

No?

Did you click the link?

Now do you get it?

Never mind. 
(sporting sheepish grin as I slink away)

☺

The Funny I Promised Yesterday

 

     I believe it is possible my daughter has a literal heart of gold. Her disposition is so sweet, I swear she could cause cavities. I have never heard a negative or mean thing come from her mouth. Ever! That's why, when on Valentine's Day she presented this card to her three older brothers, I was so surprised!

Image © Madelynn Retzlaff

     I don't care for the word "hate" and try to disuade my children from using it unless they really, really, really thought it through and still mean it (usually reserved for non-human subjects like "I hate violence").
     I looked at her sweet face smiling up at her big brothers and saw the chuckles they released. When they passed the card to me, I was surprised into silence followed by roaring laughter. For some reason, I found it to be the funniest card evah!
     Perhaps it is her innocent age and nature lacking the full understanding of what she wrote. Perhaps it was her genuine loving delivery of the card. Perhaps it was her unguarded honesty! Whatever the reason, the card ended in love so it's all good!

Hump Day Humor

Holy Crap! 

This is some serious funny!!!

Totally worth the click.

Bah ha ha ha!

Look At This Instagram Video

Guide To Trading Halloween Candy - Hilarious!

We interrupt this holiday season...

... with a bit of fall humor.

A few months back I was sitting at a local market show with Darling Husband and his amazing carvings. The show was slow and the air a bit chilly. I was quite tired so I slouched down in my chair, and threw my head back to rest. Looking up through the giant black walnut trees at the blue skies, the clouds were sailing by putting on a fabulous show of serenity.

After a bit my CIADD (child-bearing induced attention deficit disorder) kicked in and I started scanning the branches of the tree. Suddenly I noticed black walnuts waaaaaayyyyy up above us. At first I thought, "Holy cow! One of those babies could fall and knock us out!!!" My mind (remember the CIADD) quickly changed gears and I started laughing and giggling at the prospect that this tree was most definitely male as it had a pair of nuts!!! Ha ha ha!!!

Amusing myself and still looking up, I proceeded to voice my new found discovery of male tree genitalia to my Darling Husband. I sat up abruptly to point out the proof. With arm in the air pointing to the heavens and a grin on my face that I'm most certain reached from one ear to the other, it was then that I noticed he was standing with customers!!!! Drat. So much for acting professional.

Pondering One of Life's Big Questions

I went to physical therapy yesterday.

The town is a good half hour away.

long drive + morning tea = bathroom break

I ask where the bathroom is as I am new to the place.

"Right there by the archway." was the response from the receptionist.

I walk to the archway which is also the opening to the lobby.

I enter the ginormous bathroom and shut the door behind.

Huston we have a problem.

The lock.

It's one of those long handled (push down) door deals

with a single button in the middle.

Push to lock.

Ha! Push to lock.

Whaaaaat?

Here comes the "Big Question"

Why would anyone install a PUSH LOCK handle on a public bathroom door that opens

DIRECTLY INTO A LOBBY!!!!!!!

I try to make it a quick go.

I can hardly go.

All I can do is stare at that damned push button.

Did I push it in securely?

Is it all the way in?

How do I know it's really locked?

You can't test it. If you push down on the handle,

it will either open because it was never locked or open because you opened it by pushing down the handle.

You would have to start all over with the pushing and checking.

All I can do is hope the button is sufficiently pushed in and that it is indeed a functioning button that locks.

Once seated the doubting began.

What if someone tries to open the door to see if the bathroom is vacant?

It will open wide, exposing me on the toilet, to the whole lobby!

Aaack!!!!

I can't go. But I have to go.

Oh no! Nervous bladder!
This is taking entirely too long, insuring my odds that someone else will have to use the facility and in turn, will check the door for vacancy.

I can do this... I can do this...

...Sweet relief.

But now I have to WIPE!!!!

What's worse than being caught sitting on a toilet in front of a whole lobby of people?

Being caught WIPING in front of a whole lobby of people.

Or worse yet, standing to pull up your pants.

Aaack!!! I'm paralyzed on The Can!!!

Maybe I can take a wad of paper and run quickly behind the door.

That would be an embarrassing predicament to be caught in...
but if I run real fast.....

made it!!!!

Much safer back here.

(wipe wipe wipe)

Whoever designed that dreaded toilet was obviously NOT planning on using it.

They should have 

A. placed the toilet to the backside of the door (not in direct sight to the lobby)

B. installed a BETTER LOCK!!!!

Perhaps a turn lock.

One where you can clearly see from a sitting position whether it is locked or unlocked

thus insuring user of facility 100% discretion security.

Seriously people!

THIS.... is an example of a proper knob.

Locked

 Unlocked

Any contractors, designers, purchasers of knobs out there who can answer my question?

And please don't tell me I'm the only one who fears the dreaded public bathroom push lock!

Yeah

This is how I'm feeling lately.

(ya gotta know a girl is stressed when she posts a shot of herself

with no make-up and no shower at a very unbecoming angle!)

Yeah.

Like the weight of the world is on me.

And it's freakin' heavy!!!

Taking short hietus from blogland.

Trying to take some pressure off of myself

before I explode all over the screen!!!

Hugs, love, all that goods stuff.

Will miss you while I'm gone.

Oh, and...

don't forget to take care of 

YOU

too.

p.s. I'm having a sale in my Etsy store. I know I don't promote myself much. I need to work on that. You can find the link to my store at the bottom of this page. If you find anything you would like to purchase, put "YIPPEE" in the coupon code and you will receive 20% off your order! I'm outta here!

Super Mom

Went to the farm the other day.

Saw this frog with all those babies.

Thought it was a good representation of the way I've been feeling.

Overwhelmed.

Hubby's been sick and not participating in the family unit.

That leaves me solely responsible EVERYTHING!

Including playing nurse lady to hubby.

Life's been handing me a lot of challenges.

I feel like this frog.

So much responsibility surrounding me.

For some reason, when I hit a point of "too much"

my creative, sarcastic, comedic side kicks in.

I was thinking I should make myself a satin cape.

I could put a big "S" and "M" on the back for 

SUPER MOM.

Heck! If I made it pretty enough, perhaps other moms would want one.

It would make a great gift. 

I could start a Super Mom cape business!

Then the reality of a bunch of mom's running around with

an "S" and an "M' on their backs kicked in.

Yeah. We might be taken the wrong way.

ha ha ha ha!!!

Get it?

S&M?

ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Okay. Maybe it's just me.

I thank God for my quirky, immature side.

Sometimes it's the only thing that gets me through!

Although those are the same traits that cause some to run from me far and fast!

What about you?

What gets you through?

What A Pig!

Went on a farm field trip on Friday.

Tried to get a picture of the pigs but they just wouldn't cooperate.

Every time I went for a shot, they turned their heinies toward me.

All I could think was, "What a total pig!"

Ha ha ha ha ha!

I thought we could all use a good laugh on a Monday morning.

Especially after another weekend full of devastating news on the tellie.

I'm off to create something fabulous.

Give yourself permission to do the same.

Misunderstanding

Driving to the store last night.

Darling Daughter: "What are we going to the store for?"

Me: I need to get tampons.

DD: "Oh. (pause) Like the cheerleaders use?"

Me: "What? Um... I guess they might."

DD: "You know. They use them and go 'rah rah rah.'"

Me: "Oh! No Honey. Those are pompons, not tampons!"

Monday Smile for YOU!!!!

A new day, new week, new outlook on life!

I wanted to make sure all of you felt as sunny as me

this fine Monday morning so I'm sending you

something to 

make you

SMILE!!!!

I was browsing through Etsy last night
and found this hat ...

(photo is from etsy shop taraduff)
from this super fun shop...

and I couldn't help but fall in love.

I stared, I smiled, I coveted.

I felt my heart swell.

There is just something about that hat.

I wanted it, I needed it, I think I'm in love with it.

Obviously I had to get down to the bottom of my desire.

My husband knows me best so I thought I would ask him.

Hmm.... he couldn't figure it out either.

Ah well.

Here You Go Folks!

A small glimpse into my twisted sense of humor. Couldn't help myself!!! Lennon (the cat) has adopted my printer as his place to "hang" while I'm at my desk. He likes to be close to me.  :)
Today, I needed my printer for photocopying. Lennon didn't like this idea. That meant losing his hangout. He messed with my papers, played with the tray, tried to climb on top of the documents I was trying to photocopy. At one point, the glass was bare and he decided to jump up and take a bath. Naturally, I took advantage of the situation.

Ha ha ha ha ha!!!! I photocopied his derriere! and he just sat there! Holy Crap! I was laughing so hard. HA! Maybe a little office joke + a little humiliation at having his hind end posted on the web will teach him to stay off my printer!

..... two minutes later....

Then again, maybe not.