No Time

"I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date!"

Before I head out today

I wanted to share 

these.

I'm trying to get more comfortable at putting myself out there. I am a student of encaustics. Not a perfectionist, not a brilliant artist, just someone who shows up to the medium to see what lessons it will be teaching me that day.

I am hoping to list them in my Etsy Shop soon.

Have a brilliant and lovely day!

The Climb

I am a vine

climbing toward glory

clinging to my path the best I know how.

Dark skies move in carrying dangerous winds.

I am tried and tested.

I cling tight.

Reaching and stretching, gaining and growing.

My roots may be short but my reach is long.

I climb on.

Unwelcome guests may enter my space

pulling and tugging,

attempting to sabotage my growth.

I see the light and climb

higher and higher

drawing sustenance from that which grounds me.

Some days leave me tattered and torn.

Weathering storms and droughts

my will is strong.

Do you see me as weed,

as leaf, as vine?

I know God sees me as purely divine.

With Faith, I climb on.

Bath

Sliding into warm moisture

body transformed to weightlessness

the magic of imagination begins.

Floating free

mind meanders

feelings of childlike wonder emerge.

Underwater world

sounds muffled yet magnified

toying with memories pulled from afar.

Swoosh swoosh boom boom

sound of the womb

sound of my own heart beating.

Lying, loving

warm and safe

world transformed to water

Time stops

transformation begins

entering a state of tranquility.

Roll over face under

holding breath long and hard

feeling at peace with the world.

Lungs grow tight longing for air

last minute breath

a sigh of relief.

Flip flop

splish splash

safe and serene.

Eyes closed

mind open

wandering near and far.

Study within

learning to live

with what's without.

Time moves

water cools

drain pressure released.

Lie still with waters release

lowering levels tickles my sides

weighted body remains.

Bittersweet release of solitude

as I step out of the tub

and prepare to greet the world once again.

Sometimes You Just Have To Play

Some people have studios.

I have a dungeon.

I've been playing in my dungeon!

note to self: dungeons are not the best place for photo shots 

Something has shifted in me this year.

Perhaps it's my word for 2012.

Faith.

It has allowed me more freedom to be.

Faith. Play.
Two words highly recommended by yours truly.

Just Do It

No, this is not a motivational speech from the Nike© Ad Campaign. It's me sharing my inner dufus.

I was sitting in my room the other day trying to figure out what the heck my problem is (which was a little impossible as I clearly have more than one problem with each most likely holding multiple solutions) and why I can't stay focused or figure out what it is I am supposed to be focusing on in the first place. I have fibro which gives me fibro brain fog which doesn't help the clarification process in my foggy groggy mind. Beyond the fibro lies the fact that I am responsible 24/7 for the scheduling and well-being of 6 individuals (confusion anyone?). Top that off with my constant desire to figure out my "calling" (like successfully raising four kids and a husband to be sound, happy, highly functioning individuals isn't calling enough) in life. It all adds up to a mixed up feeling of discontent.

I want to feel successful at something. I want to make money. I want to have a life outside of motherhood and wifely duties.

I thought I would meditate on my little dilemma for a while. My most successful meditations occur during heavy duty laundry folding expeditions, so I gathered several baskets of clean, unfolded clothing and began to fold. The monotony of folding, the clean smell of the clothing, the sharp snap of the clothes as I... okay I'm getting off track here.

I set my mind to laundry folding auto-pilot and let my sub-conscience kick in. What would Ghandi do to solve my problems? What about Tolle or Chopra?

Question #1 - How do I become successful?
Sub-conscience Answer - Do - to be successful you must first get out of your head and into your body. Put your desires, your dreams into action. If you don't know exactly what you are to be doing? Do something. Anything. Action is the answer. Get the ball rolling. A body in action stays in action. Do

Question #2 - How do I know what my life calling is? What am I supposed to be doing with my life (aside from be the best damned mom money can't buy? Who am I supposed to be?
Subconscience Answer - Be - Be yourself. Be present. Exist as you are. Don't dwell on it. Don't question it. Don't think about it. Just BE. If you live as you are without the mental chatter and allow yourself to just Be you without judgment, pre-meditative action, planning, if you just exist as you are, you will know who you truly are. You will live from the heart and soul rather than the head. You will realize you already are as you are supposed to Be. And you will find happiness in that. Be you.

There were my answers. Two tiny little words. I repeated them in my head over and over to adhere them to memory.

Do

Be

Do

Be

Next thing you know, this is what it sounded like in my skull...

Do Be Do Be DooBeeDooBeeDoo

Egad! Even my sub-conscience is a dork! No wonder I can't focus. It's too amusing in here (points to cranium).

For shits and giggles I looked up a few Doo Bee Doo Bee's for you!

#1

According to www.urbandictionary.com

	doo bee doo
	Sound made by bored people to fill silence. Mostly in textual communication, but sometimes in verbal. Originates from people whistling or singing a little tune when idle. personone: Doo bee doo persontwo: hum dee dum personthree: lah dee dah

#2

DooBeeDooBeeDoo a cross-cultural on-line music magazine

#3

#4

Conditioned Thinking vs. Freedom

 

con·di·tioned

[kuhn-dish-uhnd]

adjective

1. existing under or subject to conditions.

2. characterized by a predictable or consistent pattern of behavior or thought as a result of having been subjected to certain circumstances or conditions.

3. Psychology . proceeding from or dependent on a conditioning of the individual; learned; acquired: conditioned behavior patterns.

think·ing

[thing-king]

adjective

1. rational; reasoning: People are thinking animals.

2. thoughtful; reflective: Any thinking person would reject that plan.

I struggle daily with discovering my authentic self.

Darling Daughter IS her authentic self.

She is creative, caring, generous, gentle.

She is fearless with her self-expression.

What an example.

What a teacher!

She creates and often...

it is hard for Husband and I

to allow her freedom of expression.

"Why?" you may ask, "would you ever STOP

her from freely expressing herself?"

 

Conditioned Thinking

We were taught there is a right and a wrong way 'to be'.

There is an acceptable and an inappropriate way 'to be'.

We were taught to fear judgment.

We were taught to fit in.

We were taught embarrassment, limits, conformity.

Our struggle to allow her to express herself freely

is an internal struggle. We do NOT halt her creativity

nor do we stop her from expressing that creativity

(unless of course, there would be some REAL danger,

not the man-made, fear monger, judgment danger).

 

She's young. I want to support her freedom.

I want to support her amazing creative mind.

She has no fear and no worry of judgment.

NONE

I could put it in her head, but why?

If someone doesn't like what she creates it doesn't seem to phase her. If I try to nudge her toward a different way, she takes or leaves my opinion, so why should I push?

 

You may disagree with my way of parenting.

You may worry she will be hurt by others (words/judgments).

I say, "so what?".

I fret and worry and conform and use my conditioned thinking to care about what others think entirely too much

and I am hurt all the time FOR it.

If she hears negative comments, who doesn't?

Everyone deals with negativity in life.

There are so many Negative Nellies out there

just dying to give their opinion.

Why let them win?

 

No. I will let her be.

She is an artist. She is a free spirit. She is creative.

She is my teacher.

I am learning from her. I am learning freedom of expression.

I am learning sheer joy and happiness.

I am learning how to "be" me

by watching the master.

 

Don't worry. I will always protect her from harm.

I would never let her do anything that was

genuinely dangerous or absurd.

 

 

 

Darling Daughter decided she wanted to create an outfit. I told her I would sign us up for a class as I have zero sewing experience (minus the attempted pillow case or straight curtain). She had her own idea in mind (pattern and all). We went in the basement and sought out some fabric. Why I have fabric when I don't know how to sew? Because I LOVE fabric and hope to someday learn. So down we went. She found some suitable flannel. I ironed it and she went to work. First with a skirt. She hand sewed the sides and I stitched them over with the machine (her request). I folded the hem in the bottom and sewed. We sewed a big hem(?) on the top for a ribbon waist. We figured that if we had a square skirt and pulled it in at the waist, perhaps it would look skirt-like. Guess what? I forgot to leave holes for the ribbon! We cut holes and found an appropriate ribbon in my ribbon stash. She insisted on a shirt to make it "dress-like". I begged her to wait for a class as I have NO CLUE how to sew a shirt. She said She knew what to do! She cut two holes for arms. I then saw her vision as she wrapped it around herself so I helped her lay it out, make the holes uniform and cut the edges so they were all straight and even. She proceeded to go back to my ribbon stash and cut an appropriate length pink ribbon to tie the shirt on. Little did I know she had plans to wear it to school today!!!! Yikes!!! I told her that probably wasn't a good idea in case it didn't hold together. "That's okay," she said. "I'll wear a shirt and shorts underneath in case I need to take it off." She was dead set on wearing it. I had to admit it was a little a lot adorable. What was I to do? She was dead set on wearing it and Oh So Proud of her creation. She had back-up clothes. It wasn't a nightmare outfit (or I would have drawn the line - I'm not a heartless monster you know!) So... off to school she went this morning in her handmade outfit. My little fashion designer. Cute, eh?

skirt (obviously)

 

(skirt + top = complete ensemble   *    notice the added matching cloth choker)

 

(back of outfit with cloth choker draping)

 

(every outfit must be tested with a twirl!)

 

Guerilla Art Assignment

Remember the online course I'm taking?
Experimental art e-course
Did I tell you I won the spot in the class? Yup. Over at Free Spirit Knits

Check out Shannon's blog.

She's talented, sweet, and full of positive energy.

She teaches a class that is starting soon called Inside Out.

Taking the Experimental Art e-course has been good.

Very, very good.

It has caused me to experiment,

play, broaden my horizon.

It has forced me to post art I would never have posted.

Forced me out of my comfort zone in many ways.


The class has come to a close.
The last and biggest assignment has been posted
and I am IN LOVE with it!!!!

Guerilla Art


I'd tell you more about what I have chosen to do
but when I think about it
I feel as if I'll explode!
To save you that sight,
I will wait to share
until the task is complete.


For now, here's a sneak peek...

Play

Woke up.

Brought Darling Daughter clothes.

She replied, "I already have clothes picked out. See?" 

She pointed at the wall next to the bed.

I looked...

...followed the arrow down to the pile of black clothing.

"Oh. Okay." I replied with smile and internal giggle. 

I went to the kitchen to make lunches.

Darling Daughter arrived.

Yup. She's a pretty cool black agent alright!

God I just love her creativity, freedom of expression, imagination.

Do I smell a lesson here?

Wishing you a fun-filled

"cool black agent" 

kind of weekend!

List list list list

Today's list prompted by Aimee over at Artsyville!

I'm so frustrated. Today I figured out I'm suffering from Creative Constipation.

Causes? doubt, inhibition, excuses, laziness, fear, restriction, inaction, time
Cures? action, action, action, action, sew, write, create, knit, take photos, play, draw

I have no schooling or training in anything creative, yet I love to create. But I don't create.
I'm a perfectionist and have trouble doing anything that I don't do perfect. I am far from perfect in anything so that is a limiting characteristic.
My favorite types of art are mixed media. The messier the better. So why don't I allow myself to play? I stopped playing as a child when I was very young. I exchanged play and creativity for anal retentiveness and control. I know. Boring, right? But they got me through. Funny thing? I now live with five extremely creative people who cut loose and make constant messes. What do I do? Stress about the mess and obsess on the disorder (I also adore and love all their creations).

From this day forward I vow to work on cutting loose and creating. It won't be perfect and probably never will be. I realize that now. The realization is freeing. Now I will create for fun. For the freeing feeling. I will try my best to let loose and see what becomes (although I will be cleaning up after myself).


(example of the self-talk that wanders through my brain. this particular train of thought happens to be that of increased self-awareness and exploration. problem solving. this is good. me no likey the bad.)

Reverb - Different

Reverb prompt:

December 8 – Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.    Yikes!...and... Egad!  I'm having some kind of strange and negative reaction to this prompt. First I think... "I don't want to speak for others by saying what might light others about me" ...then "sheesh, if I say anything outloud, isn't that being somewhat of a braggard? What if someone judges me? Thinks what I chose was wrong? Thinks I'm a prude for writing something good about myself?"  ... then the real honesty hits. What I do differently? Not much. Those actions or traits that may seem different aren't all that different. I may feel alone in some of them, but there are always others.  I am a devoted at home mom and wife. So are lots of others. I have a strange sense of humor. There are others. I have red hair like a lot of others (although none I know personally).

Perhaps where I am most different is internally (which is probably not so different either, but due to the fact I cannot feel for others, I feel different). I am aware of others. I am an observer. I notice the old woman in the parking lot who struggles to load her car, I notice the child on the playground who is standing alone with his head down, I see the unbelievable beauty of the woman standing in front of me in the store checkout line.

When I see these things, my heart pulls and swells. I feel for them. I want to connect with them. I offer assistance and load the groceries. I walk over to the child and help him learn the skill of self-inclusion in playground games. I tell the woman how stunningly beautiful she is. Sometimes I hold back, unsure if I am being intrusive. Often times the pull is too much and as if to scratch an itch, I act upon my impulse to connect and touch the lives of others.

I find it hardest when there is negativity involved. Standing in line at the store listening to the complaints about the slowness of the clerk. Do I dare butt in and say "but a slow clerk allows us time to meet fellow shoppers" or offer a compliment on the discouraged woman's outfit to help shift her attitude. Usually, I avoid the negative as I am very affected by the energy of others. I have reached out with guidance, good words and help where I have been assaulted with negativity in return.

Perhaps I overstep. Perhaps I am cursed with a big mouth and no filter. But my heart is pure in these actions and I genuinely care, so I like to believe I am gifted with the ability to reach out to and truly care for others.
Again, not so different.
I guess the only thing different about me is the combination of all traits and characteristics that combine to make me unique and truly ME!

Joining Reverb

A number of blogs that I follow have joined Reverb

and they have me hooked.

It's 31 days of prompts to reflect on the year that has passed

and focus on what you wish for the year ahead.

I wasn't sure I wanted to join.

Time crunch being the main reason.

Especially since I am considerably behind!

After much consideration, I realized I need this.

For me!

Here's my attempt to catch up!

December 1 – One Word. Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?  The word I chose at the beginning of the year was positivity. Reflecting back I thought to myself, "There has been some positivity, but overall it was NOT a positive year." Then I thought further and realized that by working so hard at the beginning of the year to keep a positive outlook and attitude, it certainly served me through this challenging year. The word to describe this year is CHALLENGING. For next year, I thought about PEACE as it is one of the most important words to me. Something in me clicked and the word COMPASSION rose above peace. I thought that was rather fitting since you cannot have peace without compassion. For now, my word for the new year will be COMPASSION.

December 2 – Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?  Too much of everything! I honestly was going to blame it on having four kids, a daycare child, lack of funds which causes me to do any odd anything to bring in some cash, but then I realized. I watch the news, I surf the web, I put others needs before my own, I procrastinate, I wallow, I fear, I ....   Yup. I guess I get in my own way. There is definitely room for improvement. Example? Reading my local paper online for news is not bad. Reading all the ridiculous, frustrating and negative comments people leave? Not productive. Quite the contrary.

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).  The moment that first pops in my mind is the moment I was standing in the oncologist office with my (step)father and they used the words stage four and terminal. They also used descriptive words such as "prolong life", "keep you comfortable", "there will come a time". In the tiny room were two docs (his doc and the head doc), a long time family friend who is an RN at the hospital who was there for support and to interpret anything we might not understand, he and I. It was white and cold and sterile in the room. I was feeling so dehydrated and anxious before the doc came in I feared I would fall flat on my face. When the diagnosis came across the lips of the first doc, emotions washed through me so quickly they tangled and caught in my core leaving me numb. I instantly went into survival mode. "Stay strong, stay focused, stay present." My mind wandered and I removed myself from the situation. Stepping out of that hospital was like breathing fresh air for the first time. The ride home was surreal. I kept composed. I had to for him. There he was, sitting by my side. I felt alive, so very alive and I felt his aliveness and the fear of loss hung in the air, gripping what we have, what we don't want to lose.  This feeling of being alive was different than any other as it felt so fragile. The precious, fleeting life we are each given. It is hard not to feel fully alive when faced with loss of life. I felt painfully alive. That feeling of life was not so much filled with descriptive characteristics. At least not of the five senses. More a feeling from the heart and soul. A desperation to hang on to what we have in this life. I don't know if I'm describing this well at all. I don't care to relive it so I am writing quite surface. I have felt plenty alive in many good ways this year as well. This was just the moment that smacked me in the face. Hard.  

I am thankful every day that I am alive and I don't take life for granted. I am thankful for those I love and their life spent with me.

(p.s. none of the treatments were working throughout the year. they found him to be a match to a trial drug which he started taking. there is no cure, but the cancer has stopped growing. no moment taken for granted. every memory made a blessing. every day a reminder of just how precious life is.)

December 4 – Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?  Oh how terribly easy this is to answer! I simply watch my children. I watch how they interact with life. Full of curiosity, thirst for knowledge, how they innocently interact with the world. I feel their wonder and join them. (That makes me feel alive in a very, very good way!)

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?  Stuff. I let go of stuff this year. I have purged closets, the basement, files, boxes, bedrooms. Stuff overwhelms. I am not materialistic but I tend to be overly practical. "What if I decide to use that some day? What if that would be fun for the nephews to play with? That still has parts of good use. I could make money selling that." HOGWASH!!! Physical clutter causes me mental clutter and with six of us in the house, there's always clutter! I have been donating and throwing and recycling and purging and purging and purging. There will always be "stuff" but it will be manageable or it will be gone.  ;)

December 6 – Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?  The last thing I made (besides the omelet for my husband) was a crochet washcloth for my daughter. I have purchased a different color yarn for every family member so we would each have our own set of washcloths. Everyone picked their own yarn. I am teaching my two youngest how to crochet in the process. And yes!!!! I absolutely have to clear more time for my creativity. Part of the reason I don't create more is due to my harsh judgment of what I create. I don't create often because my inner critic can be quite the bitch! If she would just see that the more I create, the better I'll get, maybe she would back off and let me have some creative time so I can come up with some creations that are up to her par. Then again, she's about as critical as they come. Maybe I should just create whatever to spite her! Take that, inner critic bitch! tee hee! That felt good!

Perspective

I've been feeling pretty down on myself lately.

I didn't know what I was thinking trying NaNoWriMo.

Four kids to raise, a baby during the day,

end of quarter conferences, meetings,

laundry, dishes, broken down vehicles,

messy house, homework and errands. Oh my!

My chronic pain is through the roof.
I haven't had time to blog in days.

Why did I think I could do NaNoWriMo?

Like every year, I began to feel like a failure.

The feeling sucks. I was folding. Giving up.

Then I was doodling as I tend to do,

when I realized something.

 Failing and falling are only one letter away from each other.

I thought about that.

Failing has such negative connotations.

No one wants to fail.

I certainly don't want to be considered a failure.

What about falling?

If someone is falling we try to catch them.

We create a soft landing.

We help them up.

We care.

 We are gentle and concerned wanting to know if they are okay.

I changed my perception.

I am not failing, I am falling.

I am having a hard time and I need help.

I am changing my internal dialog.

I am choosing positive words,

treating myself like I would others.

No more knocking myself down and folding.

I will pick myself up and dust myself off.

My perception about my challenge has changed. 

I may not make it to 50,000 words in 30 days.

I am realizing my physical disorder may not allow it.

I will make it the 30 days (and beyond).

If I complete the time and I complete the words,

I have accomplished NaNoWriMo

regardless of what the RuLeS say.

I will not give up.

I will succeed.

I am off to write, play and live!

How has your internal dialog been treating you lately?

Need a little help?

You are beautiful, you are amazing, you are valuable, you are loved.

Birthday List

For my birthday I was going to gift myself with a list. I am a chronic list maker

so it should be no problem to write out a simple little list.

Ends up, this list of mine was quite the challenge.

I turned 39 with an incomplete list.

The list? 

40 by 40

(yup! a to-do list of things to accomplish by my 40th birthday)

I thought if I gifted it to myself for my 39th birthday, I would have a whole year to complete the list.

"The list" will be used as a motivational tool to act on what I want from life. 

To be able to say I have done "x", "y" and "z" by the age of forty would be fulfilling.

I would enter my 40's feeling accomplished

and ready to take on 40+ more years!

Should I psycho-analyze the fact that I failed to complete the list in time?

Naaaah!

I'll just mark off number 7!

Ha!

One down, thirty-nine to go!

At least now I know what to add as #1!

1. finish my 40 by 40 list
2. get in shape
3. visit the west coast
4. conquer NaNoWriMo
5. express fearlessly
6. re-learn algebra
7. keep my sense of humor
8. practice yoga/meditation regularly
9. journal regularly
10. thank-you project
11. experiment with henna tats
12. master my breath
13. photo shoot
14. visit 1/2 dozen authentic delis
15. take better care of my Etsy shop
16. have steady income
17. make time for my art
18. get published (again)
19.
20.
21.
22.
23.
24.
25.
26.
27.
28.
29.
30.
31.
32.
33.
34.
35.
36.
37.
38.
39.
40. accept and embrace 40

My Path

(the road to self-discovery - full of unknown - uber exciting!)

My 20 year class reunion is coming up fast. 

Gulp!

and

Yikes!!!

Yes, you heard me right. 20 years. 

Hardly seems possible.

I am doing and have done so much since graduation.

I have grown tremendously as a person,

married my soul mate,

nurture our relationship,

birthed four amazing children,

raise them to be the best "them" they can be, 

worked a wide range of odd jobs for income and pleasure,

morally supported oodles of friends and family members,

travelled when able,

worked childcare for others,

am currently on an intense path of self-discovery,

learning to allow, accept and nurture my creative side.

Most days I feel I achieve massive amounts.

I am worthy, my life is full and successful.

When it comes to this reunion, I am STUCK!!!!

It's titles, facts and figures people look for in order to measure up a life.

"What is your title? What do you do? Where do you work? How much do you make?"

...ummmm

I will say, "I am a nurse, a chef, a chauffeur,

a teacher, a spiritual guide, a life coach, a counselor,

a maid, nanny and candlestick maker.

I do a lot!

I work from home.

My income is zero but the benefits are phenomenal!!!!

I'm afraid people will hear...

"I'm an at-home-mom."

Possible translation?

"I haven't done anything since high school."

The best part about it being 20 years out?

I don't care what they think!!!!!!!

My new title for myself is  "self-expressionist".

What do I do?

I be me :)

Nightmares

(I suffer from PTSD due to several events in my life. I have come a long way working through heavy issues. I am still affected. My biggest symptom now is recurrent nightmares. Wish there was something I could do. I try to keep a spiral by my bed. Strange what it captures. I woke from dreams the other night and wrote down the thoughts filling my head. I had forgotten what I had written. Today I picked up the spiral. It's always surreal to me. I don't necessarily remember the dreams days later as I have trained myself to forget and get over it. Obviously the feelings are deep. This is what I wrote.)

I have been diving deeper and deeper into myself.

Searching the depths of my soul.

Seeking truth, seeking self.

I find love.

Lots and lots of love.

It is promising.

Past this love,

deep down at the core of my being

I find fear and sadness.

They mingle and stir

and bubble to the surface.

Blip

Blip

Blip

Bubbles pop releasing their poison into my life.

Why?

 Why must I be afflicted by the thorns of childhood?

Thorns of past.

How do I heal?

How do I live?

(It's rather interesting. I don't remember the dream. I had forgotten what I had written. Yet for several days after I was in a depressive stupor. A feeling of anguish, darkness, failure, misery was riding through my days with me. This is what my dreams do to me even when I push them aside and excuse them. Now I am facing the feelings that lingered. I will excuse them as well. Today is a new day. A beautiful day. A bright and promising day. I will access the fire in my belly and move on with energy, expression, fascination at life. Today will be a day of happiness and love.)

fire courtesy of our backyard pit :)

Inspiration

I have a self-discovery partner.

Is that cheating? To have a partner at "self" discovery?

Maybe I should phrase it like this...

A good friend and I are keeping each other inspired and motivated

while simultaneously working on our own self-discovery.

(More wordy and precise, but also more stuffy, no?) 

At any rate, "J" and I are making art dates. Choosing local artistic venues and setting the date. Keeping each other inspired through e-mail. Sharing inspirational links, motivational words.

A few weeks ago, "J" sent me a package in the mail. The package included a card made by a participant of The Very Special Arts Center (Madison, WI) which works with disabled individuals on self-growth through art. Inside the card was a note explaining how "J" had been going through some of her creative books in order to "organize her mind and space" to focus on her goals. In the process, she had found several books she thought fit my path better than hers. 

What a wonderful and lovely surprise it was to receive her package of inspiration!

Yesterday I sent a package in return. I had fallen in love with Mind's Eye Journals we had come across at an art fair we attended a few weeks ago. I mean IN LOVE!!!! They were gorgeous! They were also not in my budget. Being an at-home-mom of four does not often allow for such extravagance. I vowed that some day I would own one. For now, I will settle. 

I went into the dungeon (my basement studio) and dug around a bit. I came up with some raw materials and an idea. I watched YouTube, watched a library video and read a few books on book binding. Then I went to work. I created a journal for "J" and a journal for myself. They are not professional, they are not perfect. They are simply a loving place for each of us to start our journey of self-expression. Words, painting, collage, who knows what the finished journals will hold. 

Each journal is covered with a quote specific to its owner. May they bring us creativity, freedom and peace.