Conditioned Thinking vs. Freedom

 

con·di·tioned

[kuhn-dish-uhnd]

adjective

1. existing under or subject to conditions.

2. characterized by a predictable or consistent pattern of behavior or thought as a result of having been subjected to certain circumstances or conditions.

3. Psychology . proceeding from or dependent on a conditioning of the individual; learned; acquired: conditioned behavior patterns.

think·ing

[thing-king]

adjective

1. rational; reasoning: People are thinking animals.

2. thoughtful; reflective: Any thinking person would reject that plan.

I struggle daily with discovering my authentic self.

Darling Daughter IS her authentic self.

She is creative, caring, generous, gentle.

She is fearless with her self-expression.

What an example.

What a teacher!

She creates and often...

it is hard for Husband and I

to allow her freedom of expression.

"Why?" you may ask, "would you ever STOP

her from freely expressing herself?"

 

Conditioned Thinking

We were taught there is a right and a wrong way 'to be'.

There is an acceptable and an inappropriate way 'to be'.

We were taught to fear judgment.

We were taught to fit in.

We were taught embarrassment, limits, conformity.

Our struggle to allow her to express herself freely

is an internal struggle. We do NOT halt her creativity

nor do we stop her from expressing that creativity

(unless of course, there would be some REAL danger,

not the man-made, fear monger, judgment danger).

 

She's young. I want to support her freedom.

I want to support her amazing creative mind.

She has no fear and no worry of judgment.

NONE

I could put it in her head, but why?

If someone doesn't like what she creates it doesn't seem to phase her. If I try to nudge her toward a different way, she takes or leaves my opinion, so why should I push?

 

You may disagree with my way of parenting.

You may worry she will be hurt by others (words/judgments).

I say, "so what?".

I fret and worry and conform and use my conditioned thinking to care about what others think entirely too much

and I am hurt all the time FOR it.

If she hears negative comments, who doesn't?

Everyone deals with negativity in life.

There are so many Negative Nellies out there

just dying to give their opinion.

Why let them win?

 

No. I will let her be.

She is an artist. She is a free spirit. She is creative.

She is my teacher.

I am learning from her. I am learning freedom of expression.

I am learning sheer joy and happiness.

I am learning how to "be" me

by watching the master.

 

Don't worry. I will always protect her from harm.

I would never let her do anything that was

genuinely dangerous or absurd.

 

 

 

Darling Daughter decided she wanted to create an outfit. I told her I would sign us up for a class as I have zero sewing experience (minus the attempted pillow case or straight curtain). She had her own idea in mind (pattern and all). We went in the basement and sought out some fabric. Why I have fabric when I don't know how to sew? Because I LOVE fabric and hope to someday learn. So down we went. She found some suitable flannel. I ironed it and she went to work. First with a skirt. She hand sewed the sides and I stitched them over with the machine (her request). I folded the hem in the bottom and sewed. We sewed a big hem(?) on the top for a ribbon waist. We figured that if we had a square skirt and pulled it in at the waist, perhaps it would look skirt-like. Guess what? I forgot to leave holes for the ribbon! We cut holes and found an appropriate ribbon in my ribbon stash. She insisted on a shirt to make it "dress-like". I begged her to wait for a class as I have NO CLUE how to sew a shirt. She said She knew what to do! She cut two holes for arms. I then saw her vision as she wrapped it around herself so I helped her lay it out, make the holes uniform and cut the edges so they were all straight and even. She proceeded to go back to my ribbon stash and cut an appropriate length pink ribbon to tie the shirt on. Little did I know she had plans to wear it to school today!!!! Yikes!!! I told her that probably wasn't a good idea in case it didn't hold together. "That's okay," she said. "I'll wear a shirt and shorts underneath in case I need to take it off." She was dead set on wearing it. I had to admit it was a little a lot adorable. What was I to do? She was dead set on wearing it and Oh So Proud of her creation. She had back-up clothes. It wasn't a nightmare outfit (or I would have drawn the line - I'm not a heartless monster you know!) So... off to school she went this morning in her handmade outfit. My little fashion designer. Cute, eh?

skirt (obviously)

 

(skirt + top = complete ensemble   *    notice the added matching cloth choker)

 

(back of outfit with cloth choker draping)

 

(every outfit must be tested with a twirl!)