Kissing Him Made Me Cry

Time standing still tends to be a misnomer most of the time. Time flying is usually more accurate in this busy rush of a world. Caught up in the hustle and bustle, lost to the drama unfolding around my life, sometimes the only way to capture a really good moment is to steal it away.

Standing in the shower the other day, easing the bubbles out of my hair, my husband stepped into the room to ask me about a work related dilemma. Had we been in our honeymoon phase, wife plus shower would never equal work. Settled into monotony, my steamy abyss was reduced to another local to find the person of the house who deals with the problems.

The moment presented itself and I took it as my own. Answering the question with a solution, I proceeded to solve a dilemma of my own. I invited my man to join me in my steamy chamber. Stealing away moments have taught us how to act fast, fulfill need and desire promptly, before capture by phone, child or other such demanding responsibility. After our quick and steamy encounter, the moment hung around. No knock at the door disturbed us. No ring of the phone, nor demanding deadline on the brain. Nothing but... nothing. The gift to linger longer presented itself. I grabbed my lover's face and locked on deep and hard. 

A feeling rose from my belly. Passion and pain mixed in a swirling sea of deep love and longing. Holding him close, his body warm, wet, strong and safe, I missed him dearly. Almost desperately. Realization overwhelmed me. How long had it been since we truly connected? Daily discussions are a given as are gentle touches as we pass each other by. His career allows him to work from home presenting the opportunity to be together every second of every day. But how long has it been since we were truly together? Heart and soul?

Holding our lip embrace I allowed the tears to flow followed by laughter at the insanity of it all. How dreadfully much I missed the man who is with me almost every moment of every day. One overwhelming  lip-lock moment of love and longing, passionate lust and pain, striking deep down to my core. Emotion welled up and the water instantly washed it away. It was as if I struck emotional climax.

I stepped out of the shower, wrapped a warm soft towel around myself and smiled, as contentment settled in for a spell.

Love is good.

2012 - A Year With Faith

This past year has been a doozy. I have heard the same sentiment from many and witnessed the same from many. A year of challenges, changes, losses, pains. Along with those pains came growth, but at a cost. Perhaps 2012 will be known as the year of growing pains. 

My arms are open and ready to embrace 2013. They are open but not wide. A guarded embrace will take place as the clock strikes twelve. 

As I grew more accustomed to the blogging world over the last few years or so, I embraced the tradition of choosing a word of the year versus making New Year's resolutions. Resolutions never seemed to make it past the idea stage so I had no problem giving up the useless tradition to forge ahead with another. 


2011 - Focus
       I chose the word focus because it was something I needed to work on, something I was greatly lacking. I chose the word and failed it miserably. I had no plan, no idea how to work with a "word of the year" and ironically, no focus! By the end of 2011 I had to look back at the previous year's blog post to see what my word for the year actually was. I had forgotten. Obviously a complete lack of focus. I found the matter to be quite amusing with no sweat off my back.

2012 - Faith
       There was a huge difference with my word for 2012. Difference number one. The word chose me. I did not choose a word, rather I allowed words to play around in my mind until one took hold. I asked the universe to provide my word and it chose Faith. I had been warned that when a word chooses you (versus you choosing a word), you better hang on. The word means business! Can I just say that I believe that was the understatement of the year?
       This past year was one of the hardest of my life. Trust me. I have had some hard, ugly, difficult times. This past year saw my marriage challenged, my world shaken, loved ones lost, and a health issue that had me scared for my life. I am still working on how to shake fear as it is the state I have lived in my entire life, though most say they wouldn't know it (my mask hides me well). I have cried more tears in this past year than I thought possible to produce in a lifetime.
       Faith started out as something I thought one had, only to discover it is something one does, practices, gains. Faith no longer feels like a noun. I believe it to be more of a verb. People say "Have faith". I always thought my grandmother 'had faith'. Faith is something you work to understand, work to gain and then work to keep. Perhaps once you have done all the work you can 'have' it, but there are still times it is threatened and you must work to keep it. It is shaken and you must stabilize. It is questioned and you must defend.
       I walked into my year feeling strong and cocky. "Hmm... cute little word. Pretty sure I know what it means. Let's question it. Digest it. Play with it."
       Faith said, "Oh no you don't! I chose you! This is my year. I get the lead. I take control. You are simply along for the ride."
       Or so it felt.

       I was talking to my husband about a word for this year. He said, "Don't do it." He was as scared for me as I was. He actually said he thought choosing a word to focus on was similar to worshiping a false God. Interesting. Also not real settling. I thought about what he said and thought it sounded a bit like hooey, but at the same time, I was scared. Scared of what the new year would bring, scared to ask for a word, but it had already happened and I knew it. A word had settled in a few weeks prior. I felt it nudging and whispering and trying to attach itself to me. It felt like a good word, a good fit, yet I could not shake the fear it might possibly carry with it a hidden agenda of hard times and painful lessons.
       The word whispered "trust me, you need me" and that's when it hit me.

       When a word chooses you for a year, it is not the word that brings challenges. Life brings challenges. The word allows for transformation. It allows for growth to occur and wisdom to be gained. When walking with a word, we have something to work with, something to lean on, something to guide us. It shows we are open and willing to learn and transform. It is a way for the Universe to guide us. 
       Faith carried me through this past year. At first I questioned it. When I started to think I knew what it was, it made sure to let me know I had a lot to learn. It challenged me and left me until I realized that I was the one who left. When I questioned it, it gave me something to focus on, to learn from. It allowed me to look at things differently. It held my hand through the difficulty and celebrated the good.
       It has been an extremely hard year. I am thankful I had faith by my side. I plan on continuing to grow with/in faith as I know I have a long way to go. Faith is not a word for a year, it is a word for life.
      
2013 -
       This year, my year is my year. I claim it for myself. The word that has nudged me will be at my side. I am keeping it to myself (at least for now), holding it gently and close to my heart. Once again, it picked me. In all honesty, having a word choose me when I wasn't sure whether I wanted a word this year, makes me a bit leery. It is a good word. One of the best. I choose to step into the new year with positive intention and  gratitude. May the new year choose to greet me with the same. May it choose the same for you.

A few months ago I was blessed with a weekend get-a-way with a few other ladies. One is a forever friend, the other I had never met. I almost chickened out. I ended up staying one night instead of two. It was just right. We stayed up late talking deep and long, sharing stories in front of a wood burning stove. The room pictured below is the one I stayed in at the bed and breakfast. So much introspect and healing and dealing of past has gone on for me this year. It was interesting to me that the room I received was representative of the room I had as a small child. It was rather symbolic of the work I've been doing to make peace with my past.

Weathered

I have not been feeling very chatty lately.

Wrapping up a very hard year.

Anxiously awaiting the unfolding of a new and (I pray) promising one. The recent brash of violence in the news has put its finishing touches on my depression.

I feel fragile, weathered, pulled tight, a bit like a barbed wire.

 I decided to go back and visit the pictures of a carving my husband recently finished. He was commissioned by a local to carve a female tree spirit rising out of her tree. She met with us. She chose him for the honor of carving. She honored me by suggesting he use me as his model. He made the spirit pregnant (unlike me) with new life rising out of the dying tree. Vine wrapped around her belly, arms raised in praise and protection of all that is natural in the world. She's a bit sad. Aren't we all?

Centering oneself with nature.

Sometimes it's the only way to feel okay.

Pondering the Struggle

Early morning.

Lying in bed with my love.

The birds wake, stretch, sing.

Earth quenching rain pouring down.

Trees dancing in the breeze as their thirst is met by the clouds.

Pondering the magic of life.

I am happy.

Sadness spontaneously washes over.

Life is beautifully amazing

yet such a struggle.

There is so much struggle.

When we get wrapped up in survival,

we don't really live.

Back I fall again.

Back into the moment.

My head rises with every breath of my husband's chest.

His heart beats strong and loud.

The birds are still singing,

trees dancing,

rain quenching.

Once again I am happy.

I am present.

I am alive.

I live.

Take time to live in the moment.

(Key word, live.)

Bah Humblog

Not feeling very bloggy the last few days.

Can't seem to capture those elusive things called thoughts.

Instead, I am sharing a few Christmas Carvings the hubs has for sale.

He's pretty clever, that man of mine!

We interrupt this holiday season...

... with a bit of fall humor.

A few months back I was sitting at a local market show with Darling Husband and his amazing carvings. The show was slow and the air a bit chilly. I was quite tired so I slouched down in my chair, and threw my head back to rest. Looking up through the giant black walnut trees at the blue skies, the clouds were sailing by putting on a fabulous show of serenity.

After a bit my CIADD (child-bearing induced attention deficit disorder) kicked in and I started scanning the branches of the tree. Suddenly I noticed black walnuts waaaaaayyyyy up above us. At first I thought, "Holy cow! One of those babies could fall and knock us out!!!" My mind (remember the CIADD) quickly changed gears and I started laughing and giggling at the prospect that this tree was most definitely male as it had a pair of nuts!!! Ha ha ha!!!

Amusing myself and still looking up, I proceeded to voice my new found discovery of male tree genitalia to my Darling Husband. I sat up abruptly to point out the proof. With arm in the air pointing to the heavens and a grin on my face that I'm most certain reached from one ear to the other, it was then that I noticed he was standing with customers!!!! Drat. So much for acting professional.

Glimpse

Here is a quick glimpse of our trip to Colorado.

 

Beautiful Wisconsin farmland.

Heading over the Mississippi

Miles and miles of Iowa windmills (yay wind power!!!!)

Balanced Rock in Garden of the Gods - Colorado Springs, CO

Amazing house built on the side of a mountain. - Garden of the Gods - Colorado Springs, CO

Heading up the Big Thompson toward Estes Park, CO

That's Mr. Elk to you! - Estes Park, CO

Nebraska sunrise heading home.

Nebraska truck stop (exit 312) had on display a piece of one of the World Trade Towers.

One of my favorite trip pictures. Me and my honey in The Garden of the Gods.

I have experienced so much this past week.

Through my experiences I have learned a lot.

Some of what I have taken home with me...

The world is a very large cup and I want to drink it up.

I am still truly, madly and deeply in love with my husband.

The best way to live is with eyes wide open.

There is much love in the world. Be open and receive it.

Children embrace life at a heart and soul level. Watch and learn.

My Man

This is my man.

Scott Retzlaff - chainsaw artist - www.loraxcarving.com

He used to fear social situations.

Now he is one.

He used to hide his art.

Now he shows it.

He used to be a lost boy.

Now he's a grown man.

He used to dream.

Now he acts on those dreams.

I am so very proud of my man.

 

He amped up the wattage in my bulb from first encounter.

My bulb is still glowing hot for him.

I love my man.

I think I'll go tell him that right now.

Have you hugged your loved one today?

Go on. Tell 'em how you feel.

Let's make it an ooey gooey love fest Thursday.

SWAK!

Wood Spirit

Hubby is a chainsaw carver.

We started Lorax Carving.

He's been carving for two years now.

Sometimes he carves what he sees in the wood

and sometimes he carves what others request.

One day I asked him to carve me a wood spirit.

He didn't know what I was talking about.

"I want a face coming out of the wood.

As if you are pulling the spirit out of the wood

so we can see it."

He picked a piece of wood.

He had no plan.

He just carved.

As he reached the left eye, the sap ran from the wood.

It was a spiritual moment for him.

He carves, the wood shows him the way.

This is what it showed him that day.

Photo Friday

Darling Daughter's Hair Salon

Waiting Area

 Gossip

Monday Smile for YOU!!!!

A new day, new week, new outlook on life!

I wanted to make sure all of you felt as sunny as me

this fine Monday morning so I'm sending you

something to 

make you

SMILE!!!!

I was browsing through Etsy last night
and found this hat ...

(photo is from etsy shop taraduff)
from this super fun shop...

and I couldn't help but fall in love.

I stared, I smiled, I coveted.

I felt my heart swell.

There is just something about that hat.

I wanted it, I needed it, I think I'm in love with it.

Obviously I had to get down to the bottom of my desire.

My husband knows me best so I thought I would ask him.

Hmm.... he couldn't figure it out either.

Ah well.

Hands

The man really knows how to use his hands!

er...

um.....

did I just say that out loud?

I meant to say...

my husband is soooo talented!

Get your heads out of the gutters!

Ha!

(some carvings for sale, some now spoken for)

Darling Husband

God gave you a gift

I am so glad you are finally using it.

 

The day I met you

is the day I knew

there really is good in the world

and some of that good is meant for me

;)

Noisy Art

We're heading off to a chainsaw carving event today. There will be 18 chainsaw carving, food, and fun!

My uberly talented husband picked up this hobby a little over a year ago. He is one of the most talented people I have ever met. He can draw, sculpt, build, you name it and he can do it! Never quite finding the right outlet, he came across a chainsaw carver a few years back and was absolutely taken. He studied the internet, borrowed library books and absorbed all the information he could find. Starting out with a borrowed chainsaw, he eventually built up his arsenal to include a couple of his own carving saws along with a plethora of other helpful tools.

His carvings were instantly beautiful and professional. He sells them from home, has a few displayed in a local shop and has given them as gifts.

I'm hoping this event will be inspiring, educational and confidence building for him. As far as the rest of us? It will be just plain fun!!!

Here are a few of my darling husband's carvings. I know, brilliant, right????

My Man is The Man!!!!

The weekend was successfully spent having fun! Now I will pay for my fun with the mega load of work I have to catch up on. This post will be simple. I'm sharing a few pics of one of the latest chainsaw carving my uberly talented husband has been working on. May your day be filled with beauty. Happy Monday!

Joint Effort

This is a collaboration piece. The cardinal is a chainsaw carving done by my uber talented husband. I took the picture, printed it, glued it onto a 5x7 canvas panel, applied a layer of encaustic medium and added oil paint to the surface (then removed the oil paint with the only paint remaining being that which fell into the crevices).
I love encaustics as it adds texture and depth that otherwise would not be there. I'm self-taught and still in the beginning phases of discovery. My husband has only done a small handful of carvings. This was by far his best! It's really fun to live in a creative household with all members being extremely supportive of each others endeavors!

Gratitude Attitude - Day 2

Today I am thankful for the music that fills my home. It comes in many forms. Children laughing is always music to my ears. The radio or my iTunes can often be found accompanying the mood of the house. Many days I am lucky enough to be able to catch a live concert right in my very own living room!

I am also grateful for a handy and capable husband. For all my nudging (and sometimes downright nagging) to get something done, no matter what speed he works, I truly am thankful for what he is capable of doing for the family. He is currently working on finishing the basement bathroom. Gorgeous!

What about you? What are you grateful for today?