Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Pondering One of Life's Big Questions

I went to physical therapy yesterday.
The town is a good half hour away.
long drive + morning tea = bathroom break

I ask where the bathroom is as I am new to the place.
"Right there by the archway." was the response from the receptionist.

I walk to the archway which is also the opening to the lobby.
I enter the ginormous bathroom and shut the door behind.
Huston we have a problem.
The lock.

It's one of those long handled (push down) door deals
with a single button in the middle.
Push to lock.

Ha! Push to lock.

Here comes the "Big Question"

Why would anyone install a PUSH LOCK handle on a public bathroom door that opens

I try to make it a quick go.
I can hardly go.
All I can do is stare at that damned push button.
Did I push it in securely?
Is it all the way in?
How do I know it's really locked?
You can't test it. If you push down on the handle,
it will either open because it was never locked or open because you opened it by pushing down the handle.
You would have to start all over with the pushing and checking.
All I can do is hope the button is sufficiently pushed in and that it is indeed a functioning button that locks.

Once seated the doubting began.

What if someone tries to open the door to see if the bathroom is vacant?
It will open wide, exposing me on the toilet, to the whole lobby!

I can't go. But I have to go.
Oh no! Nervous bladder!
This is taking entirely too long, insuring my odds that someone else will have to use the facility and in turn, will check the door for vacancy.
I can do this... I can do this...

...Sweet relief.
But now I have to WIPE!!!!

What's worse than being caught sitting on a toilet in front of a whole lobby of people?
Being caught WIPING in front of a whole lobby of people.
Or worse yet, standing to pull up your pants.
Aaack!!! I'm paralyzed on The Can!!!

Maybe I can take a wad of paper and run quickly behind the door.
That would be an embarrassing predicament to be caught in...
but if I run real fast.....
made it!!!!
Much safer back here.
(wipe wipe wipe)

Whoever designed that dreaded toilet was obviously NOT planning on using it.
They should have 
A. placed the toilet to the backside of the door (not in direct sight to the lobby)
B. installed a BETTER LOCK!!!!
Perhaps a turn lock.
One where you can clearly see from a sitting position whether it is locked or unlocked
thus insuring user of facility 100% discretion security.

Seriously people!

THIS.... is an example of a proper knob.


Any contractors, designers, purchasers of knobs out there who can answer my question?

And please don't tell me I'm the only one who fears the dreaded public bathroom push lock!


Karen Wallace said...

When we were traveling through Europe years ago, I had a habit of locking myself in the bathroom by mistake. I kept getting locked in, and I couldn't seem to stop it from happening even though we were moving through different countries which all had different locks on the doors. I still haven't figured that one out. Warmly, Karen

nacherluver said...

Thanks for sharing Karen! That's amusing! And I'm sure troubling on your end!!! ;)

Robin said...

Oh, this is HILARIOUS!!!! And yes, I have been there and done that!! It's damn hard to pee when you're not relaxed!!

beth said...

oh you just made me laugh out loud.....xo

John said...

Ha ha! That is some tale Nacherluver and if I may say so, very vivid! :)

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