Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you. ~Carl Sandburg
Time is what we want most, but... what we use worst. ~Willaim Penn
I've been reflecting on time lately. I look at my kids and see how fast time seems to fly. I wait for my tea water to boil and feel like it is taking forever. I rush around like a crazy woman trying to get a million things done in a day. I have a few minutes to myself and I am a deer in headlights unable to move, trying to figure out what direction to take.
I have been wanting to carve out some time for myself. Me. Alone. In a house with five people who depend on me every second of every day. Sometimes the demands are suffocating, causing me glimpses of an imaginary life where I break free, get in the car and drive, drive, drive. Far away where I can find solitude. Just for a moment. Then I will return. I promise.
Just the thought brings loneliness and guilt as I don't want to lose a single minute with these precious beings that share my dwelling. My mind flashes to the future when they grow and part ways with "home" and I get instantly sad and reminisce. I cling to the present desperate for it to remain as it is. How can I miss my children when they're right here? Trust me. I'm capable!
Time. A slippery commodity. As I type this I am being bombarded with young voices preparing for school. Waiting until they leave to post would prove fruitless as baby will be dropped off and demanding my time. Noon will see my four returning as it is a half day, end of quarter, semester. End. Another time line complete. My focus wanes.
Last night I tried to take shots of the moon. It was full and bright, huge and gorgeous. I don't know how to set my camera to take a good shot nor the time to learn. I shot anyways. If I had more time, it would be a better picture. Instead it is what it is. A big white hole in the night sky which actually turned out to be pretty cool considering the shadow effect. Can you see it? To the right of the moon? (if I find the time, I will play with the image and see if I can get it to pop)
I'm off to drive the kids to school and kiss them to pieces.
This moment. Right now. What are you doing with your time?