Sitting

Self-reflection:

I'm in Florida. It was a planned trip that almost didn't happen (for me). Husband was called down on business. I was to tag along as spouses were invited to attend. Circumstances made it nearly impossible for me to go. Said circumstances took a turn for the better. My head took a little longer to catch up and feel safe about leaving. My heart longer yet as there is still a piece, a very large piece of my heart resting safely at home caring for the kids (along with their caregiver). Aside from leaving a part of my heart at home, this morning I feel amazingly content. Contentment is not a feeling I am accustomed to. It's not necessarily that I don't allow myself the luxury of contentment... 

...interesting. 

"The luxury of contentment." 

As soon as those words fell to the page, the flow of words stopped cold. An epiphany followed. A treasure has been unearthed. Contentment should not be considered a luxury. It should be a normal part of life. Not that life would ever be one contented path free of obstacles and issues, but surely times of contentment should be a part of everyones life.

This foreign feeling is toying with me as my mind fights like a mini ninja to keep it from settling in too deep. 'I'm in my pajamas on the patio. Is that acceptable at a resort full of people?  

Thought process: No one is around. It's what I want to do at this moment. It's what I am accustomed to in my midwestern existence. It is what feels right for me. I will continue to sit here in my pajamas. ' I choose "yes". It is perfectly acceptable. I will continue to contemplate contentment and allow the water in front of me to be a metaphor for this moment.

Calm, content reflection. So that's what it feels like. Mmmm...

Tattered

pulled so thin
life's been scattered
emotional overload
feeling tattered

stare at the sky
sun on my face
meditate in nature
my saving grace

finding time
challenge proven
feeling stress
becoming unwoven

open mind for insight
open heart for love
ask for help
receive love from above

wrapped in light
stitching begins
unwoven threads
held together again

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Kissing Him Made Me Cry

Time standing still tends to be a misnomer most of the time. Time flying is usually more accurate in this busy rush of a world. Caught up in the hustle and bustle, lost to the drama unfolding around my life, sometimes the only way to capture a really good moment is to steal it away.

Standing in the shower the other day, easing the bubbles out of my hair, my husband stepped into the room to ask me about a work related dilemma. Had we been in our honeymoon phase, wife plus shower would never equal work. Settled into monotony, my steamy abyss was reduced to another local to find the person of the house who deals with the problems.

The moment presented itself and I took it as my own. Answering the question with a solution, I proceeded to solve a dilemma of my own. I invited my man to join me in my steamy chamber. Stealing away moments have taught us how to act fast, fulfill need and desire promptly, before capture by phone, child or other such demanding responsibility. After our quick and steamy encounter, the moment hung around. No knock at the door disturbed us. No ring of the phone, nor demanding deadline on the brain. Nothing but... nothing. The gift to linger longer presented itself. I grabbed my lover's face and locked on deep and hard. 

A feeling rose from my belly. Passion and pain mixed in a swirling sea of deep love and longing. Holding him close, his body warm, wet, strong and safe, I missed him dearly. Almost desperately. Realization overwhelmed me. How long had it been since we truly connected? Daily discussions are a given as are gentle touches as we pass each other by. His career allows him to work from home presenting the opportunity to be together every second of every day. But how long has it been since we were truly together? Heart and soul?

Holding our lip embrace I allowed the tears to flow followed by laughter at the insanity of it all. How dreadfully much I missed the man who is with me almost every moment of every day. One overwhelming  lip-lock moment of love and longing, passionate lust and pain, striking deep down to my core. Emotion welled up and the water instantly washed it away. It was as if I struck emotional climax.

I stepped out of the shower, wrapped a warm soft towel around myself and smiled, as contentment settled in for a spell.

Love is good.

Seeking Solace

he said

she said

the noise hurts my ears

sapping the life force

feeding the fears

the sounding board

unloading ground

constantly screaming at me

unable to breathe

desperate to be set free

energy affects

ugly effects

thoughts spin

feeling ill

seeking peace within

Lean Into

                     Drip. 

                         Drop. 

                              Drip. 

                                 

Hugs and kisses were the first order of the day as my children headed out the door for their first day back to school. No one in our household looks forward to back-to-school season. It is an enormous blessing to live in a household full of love, comfort, and safety where enjoyment of the family unit is top priority. It makes back-to-school time bitter sweet. There is much excitement about the new. New teachers, making new friends, a new year of opportunity for learning and growth. Not so much excitement is felt for waking early, boredom in the classroom, parting with the security and comfort of home. BTST is hard on mom too. Watching my loved ones head out the door into the big wide world.

Today I am choosing the words lean into.

I am choosing to lean into this new school year with trust that none of us will not fall. Faith the kids will have the best year ever. Lean in with imagination for all that I will achieve during the day. Lean in and surrender to the flow of life. As I lean in I will whisper my intentions of success to the cloth of the Universe knowing it holds the magic necessary to weave my creative dreams into reality. This new year, new season, new cup of free time will be filled to overflowing with goodness. I vow to fill my cup daily with happiness, health, creativity, peace and love allowing my children to step off the bus directly into the overflow.

             Ah yes.

                     Drip.

                         Drop.

                              Drip.

                                  Drop.

My cup will overflow.