Attitude

I am working on attitude today. These quotes speak volumes to me at this moment. Perhaps you will enjoy them as well.

Happiness is an attitude.  We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong.  The amount of work is the same.  ~Francesca Reigler

taken by yours truly this past weekend during our walk in the woods

To be wronged is nothing unless you continue to remember it.  ~Confucius

taken by yours truly this past weekend during our walk in the woods

Say you are well, or all is well with you,
And God shall hear your words and make them true.
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Odd One Out

Cutesy, little, fun encaustic piece.

Odd One Out

Speaking of fun...

The kids and I went for a walk on a local trail.

We spotted a vine that hung from the trees across the trail.

My son tried it first.

Darling Daughter was second.

Doesn't it look fun? Yeah! That's what I thought.

This is me thinking I'm young and light like a child!

I grab the vine, head up the little hill...

What you don't see is me lying flat on my back on the

right side of the path!!! Oh the vine worked alright. 

I didn't get enough height so I yanked real hard trying to

pull myself higher. SMASH!!!! Down went the vine.

Down I went. Flat on my back lying in the ditch on the

on the right side of the path. It knocked the breath out of me,

jolted my neck and cut up my arm! Am I getting too old for this stuff? Never! I got right back up and laughed my butt off!

My son (bless his heart) came rushing over out of concern.

If it would have been my oldest, he would have seen this as

the perfect photo op!!! Can't say that I would blame him!

"You cannot always wait for the perfect time, sometimes you must dare to jump. Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump. Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have or could have had. No one wait forever."   ~ Mark Twain (I believe)

Being Real

 I have been sitting at the computer for over a half an hour writing and re-writing this post.

Part of me wants to dump a long story on the page.

Part of me wants to hide my struggle.

The part of me that won is the part of me that likes to keep things simple and real.

This is me.

Simple

and

Real

Flaws and all.

 I was standing outside of my vehicle talking to an acquaintance this past weekend.

One of my kids, waiting inside, grabbed my camera and (unbeknownst to me) snapped this shot.

A few days later, I uploaded the weekend photos to my computer. I found this picture.

My hand instantly went to the delete button.

Common practice. I am the one behind the camera. Not the one in the pictures.

I see this picture and I see a dirty window, a wrinkled face, a goofy expression.

I see myself and I judge and criticize and condemn (over and over and over).

I see others and I love and embrace and accept.

Why am I so hard on myself? Why do I find it hard to look at myself?

~ ~ ~

This picture is taken of me as seen through my child's eyes.

This person is who my children unconditionally love.

They don't judge me, criticize me, tear me down.

This is the same person who my friends lift up and love.

What do they see that I don't? 

Perhaps a better question would be, why don't I see what they do?

On the surface I do a fairly good job of self-acceptance (for the most part), flaws and all.

Laugh it off, toughen up, nobody's perfect. Right?

Deep down it's a different story. When I get to the core, I don't let anything go.

I condemn myself and judge myself to the harshest degree.

I have been digging deep lately and have realized that my harshest self-punishment

has been the condemnation of my young self. I was severely mistreated and I blamed myself.

All these years I have held onto the self-hate and loathing.

The sick feeling that it was my fault. That I deserved it. That I was worthless, expendable.

Why was I so weak? Why did I allow it? I blamed myself.

Why has it always been so much easier to accept and forgive others?

Even those who have hurt or betrayed me?

Perhaps because I never saw myself the way I see others. As a person. Someone who matters.

Seeing myself through my child's eyes has created a change in perspective for me.

I am really looking at myself (possibly) for the first time.

My eyes have opened WIDE. I want forgiveness.

I want to learn to forgive myself and ask God to forgive and heal me.

Body, mind, soul.

 

Looking again at my children, I now see the youth in me.

If my children were ever as scared or injured as I was when I was young, would I condemn them?

Judge them? Blame them? Continuously punish them?

Never!

I would love them, hold them, heal them.

If they didn't know how to protect themselves, to fight back, to not be a victim,

would I lay continuous guilt on them?

No! I would empower them and teach them and embrace them.

If their reaction, retaliation and coping mechanisms to the pain were not pretty,

were harmful, were wrong, would I brush them aside and let them continue to destroy themselves?

Again, the answer is no.

I would hold them tight, let them kick, scream and cry.

Let them get all the ugliness out and I would fill the space with love and light.

 Pardon me while I weep.

Lesson learned.

Time for the healing to begin.

Nothing to say - Monday

 It's Monday.

Not much to say.

 I'll leave it up to others today.

Faith makes things possible, not easy.  ~Author Unknown

If you are irritated by every rub, how will you be polished? ~Rumi

The greatest gift of the garden is the restoration of the five senses.  ~Hanna Rion

More Choices

 Good Morning Blog Land!

 I'm happy to report that my days are looking brighter and my mood has lifted considerably. Part of this new found lease on life is due to the time I have had to heal and the work I have been doing to heal what woes me. Part of it is due to the warmth and love of those around me who reached out with supportive embraces and threw lifelines for me to grab if needed. Another part of healing my heart is my recent epiphany about choices. (Read my last post on choices if you're not sure what I'm referring to).

When I was at my lowest, feeling devastation and heartbreak, I lost all faith. If you're a regular reader of my blog, you will know that "faith" happens to be my word of the year. I was warned (by my soul sis Elena) that picking a word for the year is entirely different than when a word picks you. "When one picks you" she warned, "watch out!" She wasn't kidding!!!!!

One not so great feeling I experienced during my recent life upheaval was the loss of joy. I felt as if the joy was sucked right out of me. When the clouds started to clear and my heart started to heal, I thought about joy and how much I missed it. Remembering my new daily choice ritual, the decision was made to put joy at the top of my daily choice list. When I think of joy, one of the people I think of is Ashley from Li'l Blue Boo. She is an amazing woman with a beautiful family, strength of steel and an uber fun blog and business! She is a huge proponent of Choosing Joy. You can find out more about her HERE.

While on her blog, make sure you check out her tutorials, give-a-way opportunities, free downloads, her shop and more! If you click on the link, you will also find out more about her choose joy mission and the bracelets she sells. In honor of my new found choices ritual, to support joy and to help support and honor Ashley, I have purchased a pack of her "Choose Joy" bracelets. I have plans for most of them, but I would like to take this opportunity to host a give-a-way of my own!

photo source: www.lilblueboo.com

If you comment on this post, I will put your name in a hat for a chance to win a choose joy bracelet. I will randomly pick three winners to be part of the "Choose Joy" movement! If chosen, I will e-mail you and let you know you have won! Simply e-mail a response with your mailing information and I will send your bracelet on its way! Names have been chosen - winners will be contacted. Thank you!

The choice to promote My Etsy Shop has always felt like a hard one. I am really good at promoting others, believing in others, seeing the potential in others, helping others. I am not, however, very good at applying the same care to myself. Consider it a mix of fear, unease, disbelief... do you see a negative pattern here? Me too! THAT has to stop! I choose to be successful, I choose to stop hiding, I choose to lose the fear of judgment and embrace self-expression. Also, my oldest son is graduating from high school in a few months and this at-home-mama is cash poor!!! I want to throw one heck-of-a party for my first born so self-promote I will! To kick start my party fund, I am holding a one week sale in my shop. For 20% off, enter the code "yippee" at checkout. Feel free to spread the word! Thanks!

To go along with the shameless self-promotion of my shop, I should give a shout-out to the fact tat I'm teaching a class!!! Yay!!!! I adore encaustics and cannot wait to share my passion with others.

Here is the tiny hotplate I use for my encaustic medium.

Here is the new hotplate purchased to make gobs of medium to share with the class.

 

Here is the beeswax and damar resin mixing and melting away.

 

Here you have glorious encaustic medium waiting for eager students to play!

Are you still here? Well, blessings to you for your patience!

Hugs, love and all that ooey gooey stuff to you and yours this weekend.

♡♥♡♥♡♥♡

I Choose

I've been through a lot in my life.

I have felt a lot of hurt.

More than anyone should ever know.

Recently, I hit my breaking point.

Every day has been grey.

I fear I may have been heading toward depression.

Dipping my toes in.

Testing the waters.

I slipped and fell and couldn't get up.

I wanted to drown.

To stop the pain.

A battle raged inside of me.

I lost my joy and wanted it back but the pain would not allow it.

I would fight and gain my footing only to have pain grab my ankle and pull me down once again.

Last night I took a shower and breathed and prayed and mediated and thought.

This is what came to me.

A morning ritual.

Every morning I will wake up.

I will state this truth,

"Today is a new day."

and this truth,

"Every day I have choices."

Then I will choose.

This morning, it looked like this...

Today is a new day.

Every day I have choices.

Today I choose to live.

Today I choose forgiveness.

Today I will leave the past in the past.

Today I choose love.

Today I choose happiness.

I repeated this over and over.

I'm not perfect. 

I've already slipped.

This time, I got right back up and chose again.

Today is a new day. What do you choose?

What will you choose for tomorrow?

Been A While

Hello Blog Land.

It's been a while.

Sorry for my absence.

~~~

Have you ever experienced something in life that turned your world upside down?

Have you ever had a time where you felt as if you were drowning?

No matter how hard you fought to reach the surface, you just couldn't catch your breath?

That's how it's been for me lately.

It's been hard.

~~~

I've been trying to learn from this experience.

I have been trying to remember to breathe.

Mostly, I have been soul searching through tears.

~~~

I am in the process of healing my heart,

cleansing my soul and clearing my mind.

I have had trouble visiting this page.

What do I write?

I don't have sunshine and happiness to share.

I don't have wise words and silly stories.

I'm feeling much better and starting to smile again.

Still, how do I transition back to the page?

The words have been fighting me.

~~~

I have come to this space time and time again looking at the blank page.

The blank page just stares back at me.

Today I offer up this honest bit for what it's worth.

Not much to say.

No sense to make.

Just me, trying to find the words once again.

~~~

Step One.

Post something.

Anything.

The following are photos of a wind chime I made recently. A little art therapy.

Every centimeter of this wind chime has personal meaning.

When the wind comes along, it plays a healing reminder.

If you're here in this space, blessings to you for hanging in there with me.

If you're experiencing your own personal pain, prayers of healing to you.