Thursday, April 5, 2012

I Choose

I've been through a lot in my life.
I have felt a lot of hurt.
More than anyone should ever know.
Recently, I hit my breaking point.
Every day has been grey.
I fear I may have been heading toward depression.
Dipping my toes in.
Testing the waters.
I slipped and fell and couldn't get up.
I wanted to drown.
To stop the pain.

A battle raged inside of me.
I lost my joy and wanted it back but the pain would not allow it.
I would fight and gain my footing only to have pain grab my ankle and pull me down once again.
Last night I took a shower and breathed and prayed and mediated and thought.
This is what came to me.

A morning ritual.

Every morning I will wake up.
I will state this truth,
"Today is a new day."
and this truth,
"Every day I have choices."

Then I will choose.

This morning, it looked like this...

Today is a new day.
Every day I have choices.
Today I choose to live.
Today I choose forgiveness.
Today I will leave the past in the past.
Today I choose love.
Today I choose happiness.

I repeated this over and over.

I'm not perfect. 
I've already slipped.
This time, I got right back up and chose again.

Today is a new day. What do you choose?
What will you choose for tomorrow?


Elena said...

You chose wisely. And I am always waiting by the shore for that one word that says you need me to jump in and pull you out. I love you sweets!

Caroline said...

As I said on my blog today...the only constant is change. You WILL get through this storm. Stay strong. And cry when you need to. I am praying for you...and I know the sun will shine. Oh yes it will! xoxo

Jan said...

I will try to be there for you when you need some cheering up, to extend a hand and help you back on your feet. Just remember, I am not a mind reader so don't be reluctant to call out for help, or even just request some silly jokes to help make you smile again. You are loved and needed. I love you and need you!!♥♥♥

Robin said...

It kills me that you are going through so much pain! But your morning mantra sounds like a great way to start your days. Someday these days will also be part of a distant past and you will look back and see the lessons learned and the strength you gained. You are loved. You are missed. You are STRONG and you CAN get through this!!!! Just yell if you need ANYTHING!!!!

beth said...

oh sweetie....

i choose to be here if you need anything !!

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

I have found that for me, every day I am able to get up is a GOOD DAY already. It may end up having icky stuff in it, but I'm alive, therefore it's a GOOD DAY.
A year ago this time, I wouldn't have thought that, but after staring the grim reaper eye to nose socket, I am able to say.....every day is a good day.
Pain and all, useless hands and all.
Here is a *GOOD DAY HUG* just for you!


John said...

Beautifully said Nacherluver, may your radiant light shine ever brightly!

Glenn Stenson said...

I choose to love you today, tomorrow and forever.

Jennifer Richardson said...

oh sweet dear brave girl,
your vulnerable beauty
is stunning.
Inspire me, you do.
I am pulling for you
....holding you up with love
and calling out your name
with big hope for
comfort and joy.
love and peace to you, friend,

Laura said...

Good orderly direction is heading up and over to you honey....

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