Sunday, August 22, 2010

mess of emotion

My journal today looks a mess.
There is significance in this.
I look at my journal and self-judge. 
I am no artist. I wish I was.
Bad, negative feelings.
Obviously stemming from deep within.
Perhaps partially due to a life of doubt.
Stemming from two addict parents.
I sit here trying to figure out how many years of my life
both parents were sober at the same time.
Guess how many I came up with?
None.
Not too many I'm afraid.
I have dealt with a lot of crisis
involving mom
involving dad
current crisis included.
It's a mixed up, messed up story
that would take a book to write.
The feelings (as I tried to portray on the right)
seem to blend and bleed and dump into a big black hole.
Luckily for me
I have learned how to separate (for the most part)
that aspect of my life from the rest.
I am extremely thankful for that!

2 comments:

Karen Wallace said...

How wonderful that you are honoring the part of you that is dealing with the crisis, and pain and expressing it. Hugs. Warmly, Karen

Shannon said...

what a mindful post. thank you for sharing your authentic self with us. i'm so happy to see you use a journal to get the "stuff" out. i find my journal to be so helpful in so many moments in my life. xoxo

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