mess of emotion

My journal today looks a mess.

There is significance in this.

I look at my journal and self-judge. 

I am no artist. I wish I was.

Bad, negative feelings.

Obviously stemming from deep within.

Perhaps partially due to a life of doubt.

Stemming from two addict parents.

I sit here trying to figure out how many years of my life

both parents were sober at the same time.
Guess how many I came up with?
None.

Not too many I'm afraid.

I have dealt with a lot of crisis

involving mom

involving dad

current crisis included.

It's a mixed up, messed up story

that would take a book to write.

The feelings (as I tried to portray on the right)

seem to blend and bleed and dump into a big black hole.

Luckily for me

I have learned how to separate (for the most part)

that aspect of my life from the rest.

I am extremely thankful for that!