Smitten

I am absolutely smitten!

I created a piece of art today and I actually love it!

Not sure how long the love affair will last but for now,

I am super puffy heart, head over heels smitten with the piece.

It started as a vision.

Laying in bed, this image came to mind.

It clicked in my brain with an energy that said,

"I can do that. I must do that."

I have never had a vision of art.

Normally, I sit down and play and wonder where the inspiration is.

How is the process supposed to work?

Is it different for everyone?

This piece stuck with me.

It waited two days while I gathered supplies.

While I searched for the proper tools.

My mind worked and tweaked it slightly.

There was no worry if it would look exactly right.

There was no stress.

No Gertrude.

Just excitement.

I worked on the piece all day today.

It waited for me to be ready,

therefore it deserved my attention all day.

Oh joy of joys.

It's done!

And I love it!

A

HUGE 

Thank You

to all of you

who showered me

with support and love

after this post.

You validated the importance to

keep on keepin' on

even when faced with our worst critics.

(ahem.... Gertrude! I'm talking about you!)

Here it is.

I call it Torn.

Who The Hell Do I Think I Am?

Perfectionism is a disease.

Not that I'm perfect.

No.

Far from it.

Yet it halts me in my tracks.

Stops me like a deer in headlights.

That damned fear I have of judgment.

Remember Gertrude (my inner critic)?

You can find her

here

here

here

She and I have been going at it lately.

This time has been different.

I've been kicking her butt!

I was walking out of the vet's office the other day.

I walked into an invisible wall of awareness.

Hit me smack dab in the face.

Stopped me in my tracks.

Gertrude puts all these doubts in my head.

She makes me feel like I can't do what I want.

She shoves fear in my face.

On occasion she has even tripped me.

Bitch!

Seeing how Gertrude is a part of me,

the Awareness Wall made me realize it is ME who is stopping me.

I'm the only one in my way.

I'm the one with the excuses.

I'm the one who lets her get away with her evil plans to hold me back.

I want to write.

I want to take pictures.

I want to do encaustics.

I want to make money.

I want to move.

I want to live.

Everything on that list is do-able.

The Encaustic thing.

Fell in love with it years ago.

I don't make any because what I make looks and feels like shit to me.

Yesterday I was thinking...

Who the hell do I think I am?
Why do I expect perfection out myself?
Especially in the beginning?
Who do I think I am that I expect a masterpiece when I pick up a brush?

Everyone has to start somewhere.

I need to practice to get better.

I'm no Picasso.
Never will be.

Even he has critics.

My pieces are sloppy, immature, willy nilly.

That's OKAY!!!

I'm finding my voice.

Years ago I made some pieces and stopped.

A year later I made some more, hated them and stopped.

I haven't created in a long time so I sat down yesterday to create.

Not good.
Guess what????

I'm not stopping!

I'm going to play and learn.

That's how kids get started.

They don't judge their work.

They create.

They grow with each creation.

They play fearlessly.

I watch my children create

and fall in love with every piece.

Observation of their process is such a liberating event.

Play, enjoy, create.

For the sake of playing, enjoyment and creation.

I am going to step back into the process of learning encaustic.

It's okay if I don't create masterpieces.

I am new to the process and self-taught.

I am a kindergartener.

Just starting out.

Play, enjoy, create.

To Gertrude: You can come play with me but only if you play nice!