Tattered

pulled so thin
life's been scattered
emotional overload
feeling tattered

stare at the sky
sun on my face
meditate in nature
my saving grace

finding time
challenge proven
feeling stress
becoming unwoven

open mind for insight
open heart for love
ask for help
receive love from above

wrapped in light
stitching begins
unwoven threads
held together again

Lately

I haven't been writing in this space lately. For a long time I couldn't figure out the reason why. A million lot of different thoughts came to mind. I'm too busy. I'm not feeling inspired. I don't have anything to say. I have too much to say. Nobody wants to hear what I have to say. My studio flooded, my camera broke and my computer died. That leaves me with no artwork, no pictures, and no computer to work from, as well as a head full of cluttered words

Today, I am feeling inspired. I'm busy, but making time. I have a lot to say and if you want to read it you can, if not, that's okay too. My studio is still in shambles, and my computer needs fixing but I have this little iPad and it does have a lot of capabilities including a camera (albeit not the greatest).

Today I dive back into my page. Into my purge. I have stifled myself for long enough. It's time to dump the load that sits in my brain. Unclog the mess that's been blocking my flow. I miss this space!

Blogging from a mobile device is new to me. I'm not sure how it works. I might make mistakes. Look like a fool. No matter. No more excuses. No more waiting around for perfection. I will live my life as it is and be thankful for what I have.

The flowers pictured here (which I cannot figure out how to center on the page... I digress...) are very special to me. My husband and I were entering the parking-lot of Farm & Fleet (a farm store with so much more!) when I spotted this little daisy plant growing between the curb and the blacktop lot. I knew it was destined for instant death from traffic or weed killer. The nature lover that I am, I  had to save it! 

"Honey! Look at that beautiful flower! It's going to DIE THERE!!!"

For those of you that don't know me in person, yes, I am THAT dramatic.

"We have to do something! We have to save it! It is a survivor! Living out of that tiny crack in that barren parking-lot. How did it get there? How did it make it this far without proper care and a healthy, safe, nurturing environment?"

Oh Mother Nature, you are Good!!!!! You teach me about myself all the time with your wild and beautiful ways. (As I type this I am relating to the flower. Never realized that before.)

At any rate, my husband knows my passion for the natural world, knows my heart is ten times too big for my own good, knows I cannot help my desperation to save as helping to save others helps save me.

He parked the car, pulled the plant and handed it to me with a smile. 

I took it home, planted it next to my front door and watched. She was a tiny little thing, about six inches high with a few little flowers. She struggled to accept her sudden change. She appeared to wither but hung on, small, still, willing. I watered her, talked to her, loved her. She overwintered without a trace. This spring? She showed up huge, beautiful and full of grace! Just look at her now!

Look Up

I rarely put myself first and am realizing how unhealthy that can be. My conditioning taught me to be a people pleasing caretaker. I have always put everyone else first and it has hurt me severely. It's not that I wanted to be last, I just couldn't figure out how to put myself first without hurting someone else. Someone wins, someone loses. Me? Or them? Conditioning taught me to self-sacrifice.

What a terrible dilemma! Either I put myself first and feel selfish for hurting others, or I put everyone else first and I suffer. That is a no win situation. 

I'm learning. 

Being able to put yourself first is important in life. You are the most important person in your life. Without you, you have no life. Putting yourself first can be empowering and liberating. It is also how you get ahead. Putting yourself first is good, unless done at the cost of others. Then you are acting out of ego. You are saying "I am better than, more important than." You are creating hurt.

If done correctly, everyone benefits.

So...

what is the correct way?

I think I may have figured it out!

Each one of us must put ourselves first in order to thrive and survive.

Putting yourself first means you must cast off others. Use them as stepping stones. Use them to build a wall so you can find your rightful place at the top. Right?

Wrong.

Try looking at it as a race. Place yoursef first. 

Then...

grab the hands of those around you. Walk shoulder to shoulder, together, in the lead. If you get to a point where you feel the energy or need to surge ahead? Don't drop hands, pull them along! Set an example. Lead the way. Share the empowered feeling of being first. It will pay off if you stumble or tire. By that time, the bond between hands will be strong and it will be you who will be carried along until you have regained strength.

We all must work together in order to win the race.

The Human Race.

Look up. What do you see? Vastness. Eternity.

Does it make you feel small?

I'm sure it does if you stand alone.

Stand together.

Walk together.

Run if you have to.

Just don't let go.

If you feel yourself slipping?

I got you babe.

I am taking this moment in time to recognize that I have never put myself first. I am also realizing that I need to start. In doing so, I vow to hang on to the hands of all those I love, leaving no one behind and adding the hands that reach out to me. In putting myself first I will grow in self-esteem, in empowerment and in self. I will set an example and pass the feeling on through all the hands I hold.

Look!

     Look at this adorable post office! What a lovely little piece of history. It is currently open for business but is at risk of closure.

     You, my friends, can help save this post office with the simple and affordable act of sending a postcard. How easy is that? Rather than tell you all the details here on my blog, let me guide you to the owner's page.

     Jane Davies is a fellow blogger and wonderful artist. Check out her post HERE. You can read about the post office, how you can help, and how being one of the first 200 to join in would make you the proud recipient of an art postcard. Oh, and make sure to check the bottom of her post for an adorable video of chickens chillin' at the office. Perhaps they should rename Rupert "Quaint City".  

     ♡Love

For A Good Cause

    An idea has been rolling around in my head. Actually, that's been happening a lot lately. Recently I became aware of an organization called One Billion Rising and I want to rise with. 
    There are no events happening near me but I did find a site that was promoting an art show that was accepting entries. A meager $15 to enter a piece of art. Whether the piece is accepted or not, the entrance fee goes to support worthy causes for women. If the piece sells at show, a portion of the money is kept and donated as well.
     A picture came to my mind. I wanted to create it. Not a masterpiece for a museum. Simple storytelling. The Call for Entries stated "Entries should evoke a sense of women's empowerment and overcoming obstacles and/or be a celebration of the way the world can be when violence against women no longer exists."
     I created a piece. Not being exactly happy with it, hubby made suggestions and told me to create another. Once the pieces were created, I went back to the site to find the information. I knew I had to enter with an electronic file, then mail a check. What I overlooked was the fact that if a piece was accepted in to the show, it required hand delivery. Snafu city. The gallery is fifteen hours away! Drat.
     No event near me. No gallery entrance. No luck this go round. Perhaps I'll end up selling it in a local shop and send the proceeds to One Billion Rising or my local Women's Shelter. 
     I give myself an "E" for effort. A step up from an "F" at least! Anyway, here are the encaustic pieces for what they're worth.  

Thankful

Hurricane Sandy.

The weathermen called it the perfect storm.

Looks to me to be a complete disaster.

Today I intended to post a few pictures of pretty fall leaves.

After the storm, it seemed so trivial. I was feeling guilty.

Then I realized it's not trivial.

It's my life.

Instead of feeling guilty, I choose to feel thankful.

Thankful for the beauty around me.

Thankful my family is safe.

Thankful I have a warm, dry house.

Thankful for clean water.

Thankful for the everyday things we so often take for granted.

I am thankful for humanity's ability to care for one another.

If you're looking for a way to help those affected by Hurricane Sandy, the American Red Cross has a big banner across their home page asking for donations.

My heart goes out to those affected by the storm.

I pray there are no more lives lost.

I pray the healing will begin immediately.

Dear Grandma,

My grandma helped me today.

I was in a really bad way.

I was stuck in an emotional black hole.

The vacuum pressure was sucking me deeper.

I stopped and thought about my grandma.

About how much I missed her.

How much I wished she were still here to give me advice.

Her advice was alway so practical and smart and firm.

Her guidance dished out so matter of fact with a side of love.

I pictured myself going to her Catholic Church (which has also left this earth).

I imagined myself sliding into a pew and kneeling in prayer.

I imagined her rosary and how it would feel in my hands.

I imagined finding her spirit there.

I cried. She heard me.

The answer was loud and clear.

Peace came over me.

Just

like

that.

Where did the message come from?

It was so clear. So real. So matter of fact.

So Grandma.

I heard my Grandma speak to me.

Not with my ears. With my heart.

She is still with me, a part of me, always will be.

I draw from her faith. The strength she left behind.

Instilled in me through years of love, guidance and care.

I keep her alive through my love for her.

Love that is undying.

Dear Grandma,

Thank you for always being there for me. 

I love you.

Sunset. Highway26. Year 2008. 

Creative Juicing

Howdy Strangers!

It's been a while since I have been a regular blogger. The hiatus was well served and well deserved. Getting back into groove is proving harder than I thought it would be. In order to get my creative juices flowing, I have decided to tap into the ripe fruit of a local artist. This artist is so local, I simply turned around and asked some questions!

Interview with 9 y/o daughter
Interviewer (that's me!): "Why do you create so much art?"
Artist (Darling Daughter): "Because I have to and it makes me happy.
Interviewer: "How do you decide what you're going to make?"
Artist: "Ideas just pop into my head."
Interviewer: "When you are creating, do you always know how you want it to look when it's done?"
Artist: "No. Sometimes I start making something and it decides how it wants to be. Sometimes I just sit down to draw and the picture comes out."
Interviewer: "How do you know when it's done?"
Artist: "It's done when I say it's done."

Words of wisdom and lots of creative juice here!

Bow, arrows, and quiver  created with the help of creative brother. Quiver made of cardboard, gift wrap & yarn. Bow & arrows are made from bamboo and yarn. Shirt & necklace by Darling Daughter Designs.

This diorama was in an art show. See the little fishy in big fishy's mouth? Fish are ceramic. Underwater world made of paper and imagination. Rocks are the real deal.

Darling Daughter's directions on "How to make a stuffie."  (stuffed animal)
Original design!

Directions for head.

DD sketch contemplation on "what to wear for Halloween".

Spoons

Do you (or someone you know) suffer from a debilitating condition?

Do you (or someone you know) suffer from chronic pain?
I have a story to share with you.

You'll have to follow the link as I did not request permission to post and it is copyright protected.

Go ahead. Take the time. It's worth it.

I'll be here when you get back.

The Spoon Theory

Great! You're back!

That story was shared with me by a wonderful online friend.

She knows I suffer from fibromyalgia and knows I have good days and bad.

My initial reaction to the story was, "Wow! I'm not alone. Someone gets it!"

I felt relief and understanding.

The story has stuck with me. I have shared it with many people.

It has given me a new way to look at my condition and my life.

It has taught me to take care of myself and pay attention

to the amount of energy I use and how I dish it out.

More recently, it has inspired me to make a new piece of art.

After finishing the piece and finding pleasure and satisfaction in it,

I have decided to do a "Spoon Series".

More to come...

Umm... yeah... What do you think?

 

 

Any of my readers have teenagers?

 

My son knows I love music so he played me a song.

I instantly took to it. Such an upbeat tempo and fun sound.

My hearing sucks so my son knew by my exuberant reaction

I was most likely not hearing the words clearly.

So he asked, "Do you know what they're saying?"

Me, "um... not really, but it sounds pretty fun!"

Son, "here are the lyrics"

And he showed them to me.

And I was a little disturbed.

I'm not sure how to feel.

The song is so upbeat sounding. 

The message so dark.
I'm all for freedom of expression

but the views on this video are like 40 MILLION!!!!

The youth are listening and listening hard.

Do they hear a serious message?

Do they hear fun?

Do they take it as freedom of expression?

or

Do they feel empowered and imagine how good it would feel?

It's just such a bizarre feeling for me as I like the sound, 

the feel, the beat,

except...

 it's giving all that upbeat entertainment with dark lyrics.

Perhaps that is what it's supposed to do.

Get me thinking, discussing, questioning.

 Below is the video and lyrics that have me thinking.

What's your view?

 For all you peeps (like me) not up on today's teen lingo,

"pumped up kicks" (according to my son) are expensive tennis shoes worn by the "rich kids".

Then again, we're small town folk so what does he know.  ;0)

Pumped Up Kicks (lyrics)
Foster The People

Robert's got a quick hand.  
He's looking 'round the room, he won't tell you his plan.  
He's got a rolled cigarette, hanging out his mouth he's a cowboy kid.  
Yeah, he found a six shooter gun.
In his dad's closet with a box of fun things, I don't even know what.  
But he's coming for you, yeah, he's coming for you.

[Chorus x2:] 
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks, 
you'd better run, better run, 
outrun my gun.  
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks, 
you'd better run, better run, 
faster than my bullet.

Daddy works a long day.  
He's coming home late, yeah, he's coming home late.  
And he's bringing me a surprise.  
His dinner's in the kitchen and it's packed in ice.

I've waited for a long time.  
Yet the slide of my hand is now a quick pulled trigger,  
I reason with my cigarette,  
And say your hair's on fire, you must have lost your wits, yeah.

[Chorus x2:] 
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks, 
you'd better run, better run, 
outrun my gun.  
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks, 
you'd better run, better run, 
faster than my bullet.

Run, run, run, run, ru- ru- ru- run, run, run, ru- ru- ru- run, run, run, 
ru- ru- ru- run, ru- run, run, run, run. [Whistling]

[Chorus x3:] 
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks, 
you'd better run, better run, 
outrun my gun.  
All the other kids with the pumped up kicks, 
you'd better run, better run, 
faster than my bullet.

For The Dogs

Hubby, Darling Daughter and I were running errands the other night and the first place we stopped was the hardware store. As we were leaving the back of the parking lot we saw a vehicle parked near fencing full of dogs. Hubby drove around for a closer look. I insisted that if he drove us that close, it would be teasing if he didn't stop to see what was going on. We pulled over and met Debbie. She is a volunteer for Luv-a-Chin (a rescue organization for Japanese Chins). Debbie was heading from Minnesota to Florida to meet with some potential adoptees. She had pulled through our local coffee shop and stopped to let the dogs stretch, eat their dinner and do their business. She had gotten the dogs out and organized when her coffee was dumped over. She seemed a bit frazzled so we offered to run and buy her another. We came back with an unspilled version of her drink and spent some time getting to know her.
Debbie lives near the border of Wisconsin and Minnesota. She has grown children, grandchildren and is retired. She volunteers her time with the rescue because she adores the dogs and knows they need people who care. She fosters as well and claims that "once you've fostered them for a while, you almost hope they don't get adopted because you fall in love with them and would love to keep them all yourself." Of course she knows she can't keep them all and wants nothing more than to find good, loving homes for them.
The dogs she had with her had been rescued from a puppy mill. They had been spayed/neutered, treated for worms, ear mites, had their shots and exposed to that which most of us take for granted with our pets but these dogs had not experienced (grass, baths, love). A few of the dogs seemed a bit timid, but for the most part they were all happy little bundles of pup.
It started getting dark so we offered to help Debbie load her vehicle and she gladly accepted. I told her I had a blog and would love to write about her. She was more than happy to have the word spread. We packed her up and wished her a safe and successful trip. She thanked us for our help, we thanked her for helping the dogs. Her sidekick Hunter (German Shepard) hopped on board and they were off. 

This morning I raise my mug of coffee in thanks to Debbie and all the animal rescue workers who work tirelessly to help those who cannot help themselves. I'm also thankful for my husband who has the patience to put up with the fact that I tend to stop and talk to everyone who crosses my path even if it ends up taking all evening.

Japanese Chins

Debbie

Hunter

Animal rescues and shelters are constantly in need of volunteers, donations of supplies and/or funds, and forever homes for their residents. To find a rescue near you, check your local yellow pages or go to one of the following links...

Pet Finder Animal Shelter List

AnimalShelter.org

ASPCA

Whew!

What a trip!

This was the view from our balcony at Cheyenne Mountain Resort.

Breathtaking.

Our trip started out quite well.

I spent the first morning relaxing in the room

while hubby went to a work conference.

We had a lot of fun and saw a lot of sites.

Then came my ambulance ride to the E.R.

Long story short...

illness +  dehydration 

led to off blood levels and irregular heartbeat

which led to faintness and numb extremeties

which led to hyperventilation

which led to oxygen, heart monitor and ambulance ride

which led to testing, medications, monitoring,

and ended with appreciation, respect, and many thanks to the awesome medical staff at Memorial Hospital in Colorado Springs

and the EMT responders who work hand in had with them.

Came home a day early.
I'm exhausted.
Will post mountain pics real soon.


So happy to be back here with all of you!

Space

I've been wanting to share something dynamic lately.

A brilliant thought.

Some groundbreaking news.

A vision so amazing you have to blink and look again.

My thoughts swirl and twirl lately.

I have so much on my mind

yet when I come to this place of sharing

I am left with what feels like wide open space.

Everything comes to mind.

Nothing comes to mind.

Do you ever have times where you just can't seem to reign in your thoughts?

What do you do to remedy the situation?

or do you just go with it?

MIA

I

AM

MIA

Out of town.
Helping a friend.

She was in a terrible car accident.

Needs much assistance.

Shattered pelvis + two tiny tots = no fun.

She has so much love and support pouring in.

Filling in few days family couldn't.

Be back Thursday.

Catch up then.

Love to all!!!

p.s. prayers appreciated

Question... seeking answer.

Short on time.

Had to post.

Seeking answer.

This is the sunset I watched the other night.

Photo is untouched.

Straight out of the camera.

Stripes!!!!!

I was fascinated.

I have many other shots.

All the same.

What could have caused this?
Have you ever seen a sunset like this?

What is it called?

It is a mystery to me.

Disaster

Today I am taking care of a sick little one and feeling

thankful (after watching the horrors in Japan)

for the ability to keep him warm

take him to the doctor

and hold him tight.

So much loss, so much devastation over seas.

May you count your blessings today

as I will be counting mine.

If you feel inclined to donate to relief efforts in Japan

click

abc news - Japan Disaster Relief: Where to give

Help

After a week and a half of illness and issues in our home

everything appears to be getting back to normal...

...for the most part.

I've been struggling to catch up on daily chores

and having a bit of a problem

recapturing motivation and creativity.

As the frustration grew

I decided to hit my bookself

in search of help

for obvious reasons!

 

Toodles!

I'm off to be inspired.

(what are you doing for yourself today?)

Perspective

I've been feeling pretty down on myself lately.

I didn't know what I was thinking trying NaNoWriMo.

Four kids to raise, a baby during the day,

end of quarter conferences, meetings,

laundry, dishes, broken down vehicles,

messy house, homework and errands. Oh my!

My chronic pain is through the roof.
I haven't had time to blog in days.

Why did I think I could do NaNoWriMo?

Like every year, I began to feel like a failure.

The feeling sucks. I was folding. Giving up.

Then I was doodling as I tend to do,

when I realized something.

 Failing and falling are only one letter away from each other.

I thought about that.

Failing has such negative connotations.

No one wants to fail.

I certainly don't want to be considered a failure.

What about falling?

If someone is falling we try to catch them.

We create a soft landing.

We help them up.

We care.

 We are gentle and concerned wanting to know if they are okay.

I changed my perception.

I am not failing, I am falling.

I am having a hard time and I need help.

I am changing my internal dialog.

I am choosing positive words,

treating myself like I would others.

No more knocking myself down and folding.

I will pick myself up and dust myself off.

My perception about my challenge has changed. 

I may not make it to 50,000 words in 30 days.

I am realizing my physical disorder may not allow it.

I will make it the 30 days (and beyond).

If I complete the time and I complete the words,

I have accomplished NaNoWriMo

regardless of what the RuLeS say.

I will not give up.

I will succeed.

I am off to write, play and live!

How has your internal dialog been treating you lately?

Need a little help?

You are beautiful, you are amazing, you are valuable, you are loved.

The Monster is Coming!!!!

The older I get, the worse my PMS has become. Like seriously worse!!!! Today I am literally having trouble being around myself! Aack! That's the worse! Other people think they have it so bad. So they get snapped at, cried at and confused by my mood antics. What the hell do they think it feels like to be me? I get so jumpy inside I want to escape my skin!!! My nerves are frazzled, my hair feels like shit, I can't seem to do anything without dropping something and my Fibro is flaring!!! If the family doesn't like it, they can leave the room. Me? I'm trapped with myself!!!!

Thought I would distract myself with bread making today. Turned out to be a disaster! Tried working on a journal I'm making, broke the blessed needle stitching by hand! Took a shower, accidentally shampooed twice and forgot the cream rinse making my hair a major hay field. Crap! Would love to take a nap but my mind is whirring. Even having trouble forming thoughts for this post!

Not even going to attempt to be creative with a picture. My mood feels like the storm cloud that was looming over my house last week.  Anyone have a holistic approach to dealing with this shit? Would love your responses. Just remember, approach gingerly.  ;)  See? At least I haven't lost my sense of humor!