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Perception

My last post was on the heavy side. Since I like to mix things up, I thought I would post another funny to counter the heavy. Today is March 19th. The windchill outside is below zero. Spring, WHERE ARE YOU!!! In the spirit of positive thinking, I am holding faith that spring is mere days away. In honor of spring, I have been researching planting and gardening ideas. 

I have a son who loves cactus and succulents. He actually collects them, or at least tries. Believe it or not, we have a cactus eating cat! You heard that right. My cat eats all plants, including cactus. This has caused my plant loving household to become plant barren as he has gotten deathly sick off of several of the plants he ingested. Being plant lovers without the ability to grow houseplants is depressing. Being plant lovers not able to have houseplants in a state that has an outside growing season of what feels like two months is even more depressing! Still, we do what we can and that means grow as much as we can while we can!

I was researching plants for my garden, flowers for Darling Daughter's Fairy Flower Garden, and hardy plants for my cactus/succulent loving son. I came upon a site that had these awesome spherical succulent collections. I became intrigued, engulfed, obsessed in figuring out how to grow some for our patio this year. I was so fully engaged in the process of learning how to make them, I didn't notice the name they were given. Actually, I had read the name many times, it just never struck my funny bone until I stepped away from the page to get some coffee and sat back down. At that moment my perception of the name changed and I had a laugh-out-loud-alone-with-self moment. I had spent the last twenty minutes with my face inches away from Succulent Balls! Ha ha ha! (click link for awesome garden idea)

Get it? 

No?

Did you click the link?

Now do you get it?

Never mind. 
(sporting sheepish grin as I slink away)

☺

The Funny I Promised Yesterday

 

     I believe it is possible my daughter has a literal heart of gold. Her disposition is so sweet, I swear she could cause cavities. I have never heard a negative or mean thing come from her mouth. Ever! That's why, when on Valentine's Day she presented this card to her three older brothers, I was so surprised!

Image © Madelynn Retzlaff

     I don't care for the word "hate" and try to disuade my children from using it unless they really, really, really thought it through and still mean it (usually reserved for non-human subjects like "I hate violence").
     I looked at her sweet face smiling up at her big brothers and saw the chuckles they released. When they passed the card to me, I was surprised into silence followed by roaring laughter. For some reason, I found it to be the funniest card evah!
     Perhaps it is her innocent age and nature lacking the full understanding of what she wrote. Perhaps it was her genuine loving delivery of the card. Perhaps it was her unguarded honesty! Whatever the reason, the card ended in love so it's all good!

Hump Day Humor

Holy Crap! 

This is some serious funny!!!

Totally worth the click.

Bah ha ha ha!

Look At This Instagram Video

Guide To Trading Halloween Candy - Hilarious!

Kids Ask The Cutest Questions

Kids ask the cutest questions and I adore them for it! Here is a conversation with my 3rd born son from last week.

C-man (with a rather inquisitive look on his face): "Mommy?"
Me: "Yes honey."
C-man: "Is there really such a thing as stink lines?"
Me: "Stink lines?"
C-man: "Yeah. You know. The lines that come off of someone who is really smelly."
Me: "Oh." trying desperately hard not to laugh "No honey. No such thing."

This particular son of mine is quite the sensitive soul and does not care to be laughed at. I remained stoic until he left the room at which time I ran directly to his father....

"OMG!!!! You'll never believe what C just asked me!!! OMG!!! He is so stinkin' cute!!!!"

I tend to be quite visual. A big part of the reason I found the question so funny is due to the fact that I instantly imagined him walking around this whole time looking for 'stink lines' on people to see if they truly exist. I honestly don't believe I ever thought 'stink lines' were a 'real' thing. Then again, I wasn't obsessed with Garfield cartoons either.

In honor of C-man, I would like to introduce you to Candy!

If ever there were a creature worthy of stink lines, it would be Candy. She's an old beagle that lives in our neighborhood. We became acquainted with her through numerous yard escapes. The first time she showed up at our door she stunk to high heaven! You could hardly get near her as she was covered in something with an unGodly smell. We called the vet on her rabies tag. They tracked down the owners. Several years later and many more visits, (we have since exchanged info. w/the owners as they always call us when she disappears and we now know where to return her), she shows up as if visiting old friends, always stinking.  It's as if she stops and rolls in all the local dog piles on her way over.

Darling Daughter walking Candy on one of her visits.  We had to wait for the owners to return home to return her.

Candy, you are such an absolute sweetheart but that scent you wear does not do you justice!

Pondering One of Life's Big Questions

I went to physical therapy yesterday.

The town is a good half hour away.

long drive + morning tea = bathroom break

I ask where the bathroom is as I am new to the place.

"Right there by the archway." was the response from the receptionist.

I walk to the archway which is also the opening to the lobby.

I enter the ginormous bathroom and shut the door behind.

Huston we have a problem.

The lock.

It's one of those long handled (push down) door deals

with a single button in the middle.

Push to lock.

Ha! Push to lock.

Whaaaaat?

Here comes the "Big Question"

Why would anyone install a PUSH LOCK handle on a public bathroom door that opens

DIRECTLY INTO A LOBBY!!!!!!!

I try to make it a quick go.

I can hardly go.

All I can do is stare at that damned push button.

Did I push it in securely?

Is it all the way in?

How do I know it's really locked?

You can't test it. If you push down on the handle,

it will either open because it was never locked or open because you opened it by pushing down the handle.

You would have to start all over with the pushing and checking.

All I can do is hope the button is sufficiently pushed in and that it is indeed a functioning button that locks.

Once seated the doubting began.

What if someone tries to open the door to see if the bathroom is vacant?

It will open wide, exposing me on the toilet, to the whole lobby!

Aaack!!!!

I can't go. But I have to go.

Oh no! Nervous bladder!
This is taking entirely too long, insuring my odds that someone else will have to use the facility and in turn, will check the door for vacancy.

I can do this... I can do this...

...Sweet relief.

But now I have to WIPE!!!!

What's worse than being caught sitting on a toilet in front of a whole lobby of people?

Being caught WIPING in front of a whole lobby of people.

Or worse yet, standing to pull up your pants.

Aaack!!! I'm paralyzed on The Can!!!

Maybe I can take a wad of paper and run quickly behind the door.

That would be an embarrassing predicament to be caught in...
but if I run real fast.....

made it!!!!

Much safer back here.

(wipe wipe wipe)

Whoever designed that dreaded toilet was obviously NOT planning on using it.

They should have 

A. placed the toilet to the backside of the door (not in direct sight to the lobby)

B. installed a BETTER LOCK!!!!

Perhaps a turn lock.

One where you can clearly see from a sitting position whether it is locked or unlocked

thus insuring user of facility 100% discretion security.

Seriously people!

THIS.... is an example of a proper knob.

Locked

 Unlocked

Any contractors, designers, purchasers of knobs out there who can answer my question?

And please don't tell me I'm the only one who fears the dreaded public bathroom push lock!

the urge

body hot

breath short and labored

thighs burning hot

heart racing

one million miles per hour

feeling so strong

tears exit my eyes

faster

faster

faster i pump

knowing the end is near

fighting the urge

to quit

 ~~~

exercise

 ~~~

it's such a bitch!

Why? What were you thinking?

*wink*

Hug Bug

In our house van

we are active participants of the game of Slug Bug.

I'm sure you know the game.

Any time you see a Volkswagon Bug

it is a free-for-all punch fest

to see who can nail who the quickest.

Many moms may consider this game too violent,

even brutal, perhaps.

Since I am Slug Bug champ, to declare the game off limits

would be like telling the Packers they can never play football again

now that they have their trophy.

Sorry. 

Not happening!

To be a decent mommy, I have applied rules to the game.

1.

NO HARD PUNCHING!!!!

(my teenager and husband have failed this rule

on numerous occasions and I have the bruises to prove it!)

Light tapping is the acceptable amount of slug.

2.

Only Bugs count. No PT Cruisers (they're wannabes)

No Jettas, Golfs or Tourages

A bug is a bug is a bug is a bug.

The rest are cheap cheats

3.

One punch per bug.

C'mon!!! Common sense people!

p.s. refer back to rule #1

4. 

ABSOLUTELY

NO

SLUG BACKS!!!

EVER!!!!

What's with this new generation of kids?

Slug backs?!!!

Ludicrous!

5.

Speaking of new generation...

you must PROVE your slug bug.

You must be able to point in the general direction and state color

so the slug victim has proof that he deserved to be slugged.

None of this "I swear I saw one." BS

(this rule comes from bus tales of the boys punching the crap

out of each other using Slug Bug for an excuse - all in fun of course.

But still. Have a little respect for the game people!!!!)

6.

If a passenger does not wish to play

they simply state "Not playing." upon entering the vehicle.

That being said, if you state "Not playing." that means 

YOU ARE NOT PLAYING!!!!!

You cannot randomly turn on and off your choice

according to who is seeing the bugs.

If you are not playing and you see a bug,

you must remain in a seated position with your hands to your sides

and fists OFF YOUR BROTHERS!!!

I have three boys and a husband. Can you tell?

I also have a Little Lady.

Little Lady plays on occasion.

She knows Mommy would NEVER punch hard.

It would make her (and mommy) cry.

Mommy plays Slug Bug but plays it more like Love Tap bug.

Unlike The Brothers.

After a recent drive through town

(I swear we live in Volkswagon Capital Of The World)

and a hearty game of Slug Bug,

Little Lady came up with her own version.

She sweetly stated, "Mommy, wouldn't it be great if everyone played Hug Bug

instead of Slug Bug? That would be nice, wouldn't it?"

Heart melting.

I know.

I have to admit. For all the enjoyment I get out of a competitive game of Slug Bug,

the world would be a much better place playing by Little Lady's rules.

From now on

for every Bug I see

it will be Hug Bug for me.

 

(artwork courtesy of Little Lady - you can find more here)

Misunderstanding

Driving to the store last night.

Darling Daughter: "What are we going to the store for?"

Me: I need to get tampons.

DD: "Oh. (pause) Like the cheerleaders use?"

Me: "What? Um... I guess they might."

DD: "You know. They use them and go 'rah rah rah.'"

Me: "Oh! No Honey. Those are pompons, not tampons!"

He Got Me Good ~~~UPDATED

My lovely and much appreciated readers: It is April 2nd today. With April Fool's Day over and my prank going over better than I ever imagined, I am clearing the air. The prank was on my blog reader! I never imagined it would actually work but thought anyone hanging in through the whole story with even a smidge of belief would surely be corrected by the last sentence. Since that was not the case, I am bolding and red highlighting the last line. The bridge. The one for sale. And now I thank you all for the best April Fool's Day EVER!!! Oh how you made me laugh! Laughter truly is good medicine. 


April Fool's Day has always been warmly embraced in our home. Maybe even over-embraced. This year tops them all. I woke this morning and almost peed myself.

The sun was just starting to rise and there was a bit of light seeping in from behind the curtains. The alarm went off as usual and I went to do my one time snooze hit. This requires me to put one foot on the ground in order to lean over to the dresser and hit the snooze button. I turned my body, hit foot to ground, reached for the dresser and it wasn't there! When my eyes started to focus I freaked.

We are a bit minimalist in our decor and have bare bones in the bedroom. Lack of clutter and "stuff" and soft dreamy colors allows for the best sleeping conditions (in my opinion). Our room houses a bed, two dressers and a few pictures. That's it. Simple simon.

This morning, however, the dresser was missing. Or so I thought. When I looked around my body slammed back down on the bed in a panicked and dizzy state. What the h....  At first glance I thought I was on the ceiling. After I gained my sense of reality I realized the dressers were on the ceiling and the pictures upside down. Seriously???

Holy Crap! It was the craziest feeling I have ever experienced!!!

I instantly woke my husband with a forearm across the chest. "What the hell did you do? You freak!! Ha ha ha ha!" He turned over and instantly started laughing. He's not normally a fun-loving guy. Sure he can laugh at jokes and get in humorous moods. He can be sarcastic at times but one thing he normally is not is a funny guy.. I am the type that will hide behind a door and scare the bejeebers out of him for my own sick pleasure.

Ha ha ha ha! I'm laughing as I type that. Sick. I know! I'm the one who wakes each child pulling a different prank on each as I do. I'm the jokester. The funny guy. Not him.

What my man is? He's crafty. That's for darned sure. I asked him how the heck he pulled off the ultimate of all pranks and he said he installed white clamp-like gadgets on the ceiling while I was running errands the other day. He said it wasn't easy as he had to find a way to get them in the joists (or whatever the heck he called them) in the ceiling so it could take the weight of the furniture (lucky we have little antique dressers). He also put hangers on the bottom side of the pictures and small nails in the wall. Nothing I would notice as I don't normally look at ceilings and the nails were hidden by the pictures in their normal hanging state.

After I fell asleep, he recruited my teenagers to help him empty all the drawers and flip the dressers so he could clip the feet in. They carefully slid the empty drawers in, rehung the few pictures upside down and that was that. Unbelievable.

Men. Can you believe he went to all that trouble just to out-do me on April Fool's Day? If you do, then I have a bridge to sell you!!!

Quick Pic

No time to blog today.

Dropping by with a quick pic.

Saw a picture of this online and thought it looked fun!

So I purchased some organic hotdogs and whole grain spaghetti

(to make it healthy fun)

and had at 'er!

What a hoot!

Kiddos were amused too.   ;0)

What A Kick!

No time to post today. Baby will be here for the day. Wanted to share a link for Improve Everywhere and their 10th annual No Pants Subway Ride. What a hoot! How these people can be so straight faced and serious in such mass numbers is beyond me. The faces in the crowd as they realize they are riding with pants-less people are priceless! I find it fascinating how movements start and sometimes what those movements are. Everyone wants to belong, fit in, enjoy life, smile, cause others to smile. Takes guts and thick skin!!!! Baby it's cold outside! Hope it makes you smile too. Still sharing the love my dears.

Monday Funny

Okay.

I just have to share this.

I was driving the kids to school this morning.

The sky was flashing with lightening.

The rain was so intense I could hardly see the road.

I dropped kids off safe and sound

and headed back home with a morning radio show

dialed in to keep me company

and keep my mind off the storm outside.

(driving in rain w/bald tires = worry)

The morning personalities had a comedian in house.

Luckily I was pulling into the driveway as he threw out his first lines.

If not, I may have driven straight into a ditch!

My day started with a huge belly laugh!!!!

Wish I knew who he was so I could

a. thank him

b. give him credit

 

Comedian speaking of online dating sites:

(paraphrased)

Every woman's profile has the same thing.

I love moonlit walks on the beach.

I love moonlit walks on the beach.

I love moonlit walks on the beach.

So one night I went to the beach.

There were at least 500 women walking around!

Buah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!

Is it just me? or is that funny?

So obvious yet I never thought of it or heard it before.

Totally got me.

Hope it made you smile too.

Nothing like starting out the week with a belly laugh.

Have a blessed and happy week my friends.

p.s. can you believe I was able to get that moon shot with my little digital?

Tidbits

Hello Blog Land!

I only have time to share tidbits of my weekend

as I'm off to start NaNoWriMo!

Weekend Tidbits:

We parted with my husband's 20 year old little blue bomber. 

His rusty, trusty, old Toyota station wagon.

He's been the proud owned for the past nine years.

It has faithfully allowed him to keep his job

by getting him to work safely and on time.

Now he works from home and needed a truck for hauling.
He did not want to part with his faithful friend but it was time to move on.

So long little fella. We'll miss you!

(Little Blue is now resides with an older couple and their dog in the country)

 

 Let's hear it for Costume Parties!!!!

 

It certainly wouldn't be Halloween without pumpkin carving.

Pictured here is our beloved cat Farley.

He's a 15 year old half-persian.

We named him after Chris Farley 

because they're both big, orange and funny!!!!

 

My husband and I went on a double date this weekend.

We went to The Comedy Club.

Guess who was headlining???

The Farley Brothers!!!!!!

 

(John Farley)

 (Kevin Farley)

 Hope you had a great weekend too!

A Picture for A Giggle

I have oh so much to share with you, my dear blog. But alas, between the technical difficulties that have been plaguing my house the last few days and my neck, which has been causing me so much pain and immobility of late, I only have time for a few words and a small little picture.

For now, please enjoy the amusement of my darling kitties enjoying a nap on their bunkie bed.  ;)

Say What?!?!

I've been thinking lately,
or at least trying to.
I have fibromyalsia
which often causes me to live in "fibro fog".
I'm also mom to four with "mom brain".
I struggle with organization,
remembering things and focusing.
Do you think I would be diagnosed
as a classic case of ADD?
I was going to look it up
but I keep forgetting to!

Ha ha ha ha! How ironic!

Have a happy and silly Friday!
Life gives us lots to laugh about :)

~ (insert belly laugh here) ~

Lots and lots of legs!!!

After a trip to Shedd Aquarium we aimed the van back toward home.
The van had other plans.
Gulp!
Wrong turn and instantly lost in Chicago!
No worries!
Keep your chin up, attitude in check and gaze at the...
the...
what the...?
Pants?

Ha! That's why I love getting lost! You see things you otherwise would miss.
We were in some ugly traffic with some mean drivers and our nerves were just about shot.
I turned my head and saw this wonderful sculpture garden.
I only had a few seconds to roll down the window and shoot this shot.

Can you see the people wandering in and out of the legs?

How fun is that?!?!

Just the humorous medicine we needed to keep our spirit in check as we made our way out of the big city.

Happy Wednesday to you!!!

You Never Know What You'll Run Into

Boy oh boy! You never know what you'll run into when out running errands. Literally!



The first picture is a view of a car that drove "into" the UPS store. I was standing at the bed store two doors down. The second picture was taken after the wrecker was able to pull the car out. The stinker part? The store had just finished a huge remodel job. Once I found out no one was hurt I was struck with a case of the giggles!

Sure seems to me as if we all live at warp speed these days.
Us: My schedule is too hectic. I have too much to do with no time to do it. I have to go, go, go with no leisure time to enjoy.Universe responding: You want to slow down? (crash) Now you'll have to stop for a moment!

Think about it.

People are funny :0)