Reaching Out - Holding On

So much violence. So many shootings.

They only seem to be getting worse.

The events that unfolded in Newtown, CT last friday are unfathomable. So many innocent lives lost. I have not written about it or talked about it much as I feel completely inadequate to do so.

Where are the words to heal the hurt?

Where are the words to soothe the suffering?

Where are the words to explain the unexplainable?

I tried to avoid much of the news. I didn't want to feed into the sensationalism. I didn't want my kids to fear. I didn't want to cry anymore. I didn't want to imagine the pain of those who lost loved ones. I didn't want it to be true.

I have been trying to figure out what I can do to help. I come up with nothing. I feel helpless.

I conjure up feelings of love to send out to the families. Love. It has to be the answer.

There is so much anger and fear and violence in the world.

We have to stop hating and hurting.

We must start healing.

How do we heal?

Love

I read about an eleven year old that brings a gun to school to protect himself and his classmates. I think, "Why is this happening?"

I read about a Texas school allowing teachers to bring guns to school to protect their students. I think, "Why is this happening?"

I am a considerable geographic distance away from Sandy Hook elementary, yet it is now in my own back yard.

The sickness seems to be spreading.

A grade school not even 40 miles away finds live ammo on the playground. A teen gets arrested for spouting about copycatting.

Now it is my child's school.

There have been rumors of a threat against the safety of the students and staff at my child's high school. The threat is set for 12-21-12. The police have been investigating.I received an automated call from the principal saying the students are safe as they feel the threats are unsubstantiated. The rumors continue and build. I do not feel it is safe. How can I? 

I again ask myself, "Why?"

I have no answers.

Anger, fear, frustration, desperation.

A lot of ugly feelings are surfacing for a lot of people.

Including me.

I ask that everyone try, try, try to feel love.

Don't feed the negative energy with more negative.

I am working on centering and focusing and loving.

Feeling love for my family.

Love for this life.

Love for the world.

Sirens flew by my house as I typed that last line.

The seventh time in 12 hours.

Sirens. Warnings.

Of what?

I don't know.

I'm feeling so helpless.

All I know to do is reach.

Keep reaching.

Reaching out and holding on to what is good.

If only by a single thread.

We must hold on to love.

Build on the good with good.

Reach. Hold. Love.

My heart and prayers go out to everyone.

I send you love.

My View

 Thank You! Thank You!

...for your kind thoughts, prayers, and well wishes.

This has been my view since coming home on Friday (for the most part).

Every day the pain is less severe.

Every day I am becoming more active.

I am trying to take it easy and slow.

No backsliding here.

No way!

I'm going to have a new lease on life!

Look out world! Here I come!...

... in a few more weeks.

tee hee!

(The surgeries went very well and my peace of mind going in was literally that. Peaceful. I thank all of you for your help with that. You surrounded me with prayers, healing energy and love. It carried me through with peace in my heart.)

Prayer Request

Hello my lovely bloggy friends.

I don't think I tend to delve too deep into my personal life in this space.

I question putting too much out there.

Today I take a leap of faith.

I am sending out a prayer request.

I go in for major surgery on Thursday.

I have been surprisingly calm and okay with it.

The last two days have put a hiccup in my calm.

New computer system at the docs messing up.

Information missing and mixed up.

 Making sure my health and heart are up to task due to recent mini-scare.

 

I believe it's all ironed out now.

I'm being my own hardcore advocate.

I trust and love my doc.

I hope it is not too forward to request any of the following...

good juju

positive energy

loving vibes

prayers

healing energy

more prayers

Any sent out will be captured, appreciated and utilized to their fullest.

Pinky promise.

Love,

Lynn

A Blessing And An Update

I was cleaning my desk yesterday and found the folder that was left to me when my grandmother passed away. On the outside it simply says "This is for Lynn". It is filled with clippings and sayings, prayers and hand-written scraps, letters the children and I wrote to her, pieces of my writing I sent to her. It warms my heart that she kept it all and made a folder just for me. The best parts are the handwritten words. The lost art of writing. Handwriting, like the voice, like fingerprints, uniquely one's own. I love looking in that folder and seeing Grandma's handwriting. Knowing her pen moved methodically over the paper putting every mark down deliberately and thoughtfully. I'm going to share a piece she had saved for me. It is not written by her (rather copied) but obviously held value. My gift from her I now share with you.

A Blessing of Solitude: May you recognize in your life the presence, power and light of your soul. May you realize that you are never alone, that your soul in its brightness and belonging connects you intimately with the rhythm of the universe. May you have respect for your own individuality and difference. May you realize that the shape of your soul is unique, that you have a special destiny here, that behind the facade of your life there is something beautiful, good and eternal happening. May you learn to see yourself with the same delight, pride and expectation with which God sees you at every moment.

p.s. Huge, huge thanks to all who have kept Mr. Lennon in your thoughts and prayers. It was the oddest thing. After over a week of self-starving (even with the meds in him) and fading, he suddenly started eating! Yesterday he ate three cans of food and returned completely back to his normal self. Overnight! It was crazy!!!! Now he's back to being Mr. Naughty Pants (one of his many nicknames)! Thank you all.

Lennon Update

Thanks much to all for your well wishes. Ends up mums are not liver or kidney toxic (in other words, they're not known to cause failure of either). Just really hard on the tummy and GI tract. He's had a lot of issues with his tummy since the beginning so I am praying that it heals properly. He has to be able to eat and drink or he will dehydrate, the organs will start to be affected, etc...
The vet had a shot to stop the vomiting. He finally kept down a tablespoon of special prescription soft food late this evening (first thing to stay down in well over 24 hrs.). He seems to be feeling better than this morning but is nowhere near acting like himself. The vet said it would take time and I need to watch for dehydration and lethargy. So far so good. Been keeping him warm and lots of cuddles. Last time he tossed his tummy there was no more blood. I'm hoping to wake up to a kitten again. He's acting like a 15 year old cat (like my other kitty fella).
Thank you all for your prayers, healing energy and well wishes. I just know it's been helping him. It sure has been helping me get through. I was so scared! Now I'm very hopeful. I really must share his life story some time soon.

Thank you, thank you, thank you again!!!!!

Reverb - Defining Moment

  Reverb prompt:

Defining Moment - Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.   This one sounds similar to a few previous reverb prompts. And how to pick just one moment or series when every moment affects. Perhaps I am just not in the mood to play along today. Instead I am going to ask for your prayers. My dear Lennon boy has eaten some chrysanthemum leaves and is very, very sick. Ends up they are very toxic to cats. The vet did not want to see him after hours last evening as he was still up and around and acting (mostly) like himself but he was throwing up bloody water. She said he probably has stomach irritation and that she would like to see him right away this morning. He curled up in a laundry basket of clean clothes in my room last night and I couldn't sleep. He just wasn't himself at all. He can't keep food down. He's not playing or running. His eyes say, "I don't feel good. Make it go away." His kitten playfulness gone. This morning I woke and went to the basket. He weakly lifted his head and gave me a little chirp. I started petting him and he purred. He won't get up. It's 2 1/2 hours until the vet opens. He finally got up. It's 1 1/2 hours until vet opens. He's acting a bit better but still unable to hold food down. They will draw blood. What else? I'm unsure. Please say a prayer for my Lennon boy. I said many as I fell asleep but it seems as if he needs more. Sincerest thanks.

Gratitude Attitude - Day 6

(28 days to an attitude of gratitude - learn more here)

I am so very grateful for my wonderful neighbors. When the sun is shining there are children playing and parents chatting. When the snow buries the sidewalks two feet deep, it is community effort until everyone is out. We have shared rummage sales, borrowed eggs, had heartfelt talks, leaned on each other and laughed together. I have many wonderful neighbors surrounding me that make me feel safe and loved. To show my gratitude I try to be the best neighbor I can whether that be through acts of love with baking, helping with yard work or childcare, or simply telling them how glad I am they are my neighbor. Pictured above is my little princess presenting one of my beautiful neighbors with a gift of homemade coffee cake with fresh fruit. The picture slightly dated but I put it out there in hopes of loving thoughts and prayers sent her way. Her husband has been going through some very serious health issues and almost lost his battle last night. He is stable as of this moment but needs a lot of healing vibes sent out to him.