Today

I have been sitting at my desk all day today.

Taxes, bills, phone calls.

Busy work.

Boring.

Reflecting on my computer screen from the great outdoors behind me is a beautiful, peaceful snowfall. 

Watching the silent snow make its way to the ground covering the world in a blanket of purity, a stirring takes place inside me and the peaceful feeling spreads.

Thank you Mother Nature!

You knew just what I needed today.

Winter came down to our home one night quietly pirouetting in on silvery-toed slippers of snow, and we were children once again. ~Bill Morgan, Jr.

Silent Listening

"The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent." 

~Alfred Brendel

I really love that quote. I have been sitting with it for some time. I have been reading (slowly) a book about listening. "Seven Thousand Ways To Listen; Staying Close to What is Sacred" by Mark Nepo.

Slowing down, appreciating all that is around me, practicing silence, learning to really listen. Silent listening certainly allows for a closer connection to life.

I am not a silent person. I am a talker. Whether I was born that way or it is a condition, a reflex, a coping mechanism I developed due to the harshness of life, I cannot be certain. This past year has found me to be much quieter. I have been doing a lot of soul searching, reflecting and personal growth. I have been trying to discover my authentic self in order to save myself. I am learning the importance of listening. Not just listening to all the 'noise' that slams at our ears every day (chatter, the blaring radio, traffic), but genuinely, slowing down and taking notice of the most minuscule of messages listening allows for.

If you slow down and really listen, you can hear the subtleties of life that might normally pass you by. The slight sigh from a loved one that lets you know they are content, or perhaps the sound of a slightly heavier sigh that declares subtly but certainly, "I need a hug". 

You hear the true meaning behind someones words. What used to sound like gossip now sounds like someone who is unhappy with their life, therefore talking about others to take the focus off their own issues.

You hear your own heart. Its happiness and joys, the fears, the sadness. You hear it more clearly allowing for changes to be made.

Mother Nature offers a plethora of sounds to meditate upon and if you sit in silence listening long enough, your soul will answer in response to all that nature provides.

Last night I insisted the entire family pile into the van in snow gear with sleds in the rear. We drove to a local sledding hill. The sun was setting, the snow on the hill packed to a solid, slippery base. Luck had the hill empty upon arrival. The sun was setting. I stood at the top of the hill and silently observed.

The sun was setting. Orange filled the horizon stacked with yellow, followed by a baby blue sky. Dark cirrus clouds completed the top most layer. The colors were brilliant. There was a line of trees in front of the setting sun. Deciduous trees barren of their leaves while they stood sleeping the winter away. They appeared black standing majestically up against the magic sunset.

In front of me were five amazing, lovely, brilliant human beings sailing down the hill over and over. Whoosh went the sleds. Screams and/or silence on the way down exchanged with laughter upon landing safely at the bottom. Chattering their way back up for another round, traded for huffing and puffing the closer they reached the top of the climb. Sitting, shifting, preparing. Down, down, down again.

The sky filled with darkness. There is a light at the top of the hill. As they made their way to the bottom, they appear to disappear as the darkness enveloped them one, two, three, four, five. After some time, a train was heard off in the distance, its whistle piercing the cold, quiet air. The kids stop, turn, listen, wait, watch. Weighing heavily on the cold steel tracks, the earth moves and rumbles and shakes.

Reaching their fill of observation, the family turned once again to climb the hill. Once again they sail to the bottom with only the sound of sled on snow, reaching their destination upon which time the chatter and laughter would begin again.

So much to listen to on that hill.  The sound that stood out the most in that moment of presence, of silent listening, was the sound of my own heart filling with joy, happiness, pride. Love was swooshing from chamber to chamber, whispering "This. This is what life is about."

Honesty

Do you ever hear a word, a normal word, a word you use all the time,

and suddenly it sounds different and you think

"That is the strangest sounding word."

Then you write it down and realize it even looks strange.

No?

Maybe it's just me.

Okay, check this.

I'm really trying to be more honest with myself.

Remember my post about preparing for a party and wanting to be real?

I have been faced with another challenge.

Due to my extended families schedules, I am forced to hold Christmas this Sunday.

Not my choice. I'm not ready. I cannot afford a tree until the following weekend.

I thought about putting one on a charge card but that seems ludicrous.

Instead, I have decided to be honest. I put up this...

Yes, friends. It is a Charlie Brown Christmas tree!

I love it!

It was given to me by a friend.

It is fitting for our upcoming gathering.

We are all struggling in this economy.

We have all agreed to forgo gifts.

Once again, in the spirit of honesty, I thought about saying, 

"Screw the house too. I'm not cleaning one lick."

Yup. That's honesty.

I do say screw.

And I don't like to clean for others.

That's when the word hit me funny.

Honesty.

 I wrote it down.

Not only did it sound funny but it looked funny too. 

I went a step further and looked up the definition.

Honesty

1. the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness and fairness. 

2. truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness. 

3. freedom from deceit or fraud. 

I thought, "It kind of looks like 'hone' and 'sty'.

So I looked them up as well.

Hone

to make more acute or effective; improve; perfect

Sty

1. a pen in which pigs are housed and fed. 2. any filthy or corrupt place

 Ha!

Busted.

I was trying to use honesty as an excuse to be lazy and not clean at all.

Cop out.

I like a clean house, just not an anal retentive white glove house.

It looks like I better get honest with my bad self and hone my sty for Christmas!

Bah Humbug!

Spring

Life is full of changes.
Always has been.

Always will be.
Sometimes it seems
as if the seasons help us on our journey.
They set the example for us.

Summer is a time to enjoy. A time of celebration. A time of cooking out, going to the beach and soaking up the rays. Summer is a time to spread your wings and fly!
Fall tells us we should be thankful for our summer. Slow down. Relax and reflect. Be aware of the trees and animals as they get ready for slumber. Pull out the warm blankets and build a nice fire. Take cues from the Earth as she prepares for the winter.
Winter is for hibernation and rest. We cannot shut out the world and sleep for three months but we can certainly snuggle up with loved ones, warm our homes and tummies with warm baked goods and hot chocolate. Gather indoors with our loved ones and share our hearts over the holidays filling them with love.
Spring is a time to shake off all the winter cobwebs. Air out the house. Clean up the clutter. Pack away the heaviness of winter and step out into fresh air and endless new possibilities.

This darling little bulb is working its way up to the surface.
I planted several spring bulbs close to the house
and I watch them faithfully every year waiting for them.
They are my first sign of spring.

If I turn around, this is the scene behind me :)
Notice the bulb in the bush?
That is a remnant of Christmas past.
The snowbanks receding are another sign that spring is near.

I have been feeling the itch. The need for change. Desire to clean house. All for some time now. Just as I was on the verge of losing my patience, there she is. Mother Nature giving me the green light.

"It's time." she whispers in the breeze.

...and so I am off. Ready to spring clean my house, my life, my spirit.

Happy Cleaning!