Warning: The following is a rant. If you're sensitive to this kind of thing, please back slowly away from the computer for your own good. If you care to indulge in a little personal ranting, I sure could use some advice, hugs, support. Heck, you can even join in if the spirit moves you!
I've been trying to plan Christmas for my family. How freakin' hard can it be? I grew up with a mom and two brothers (plus Grandma up the street). That's it. Five of us. F I V E ! Christmas should be easy. But it's not. We have lost grandma. That leaves four. Easier yet, right? WRONG!!!! Every year I'm stuck throwing Christmas as my mother does not deal well. My brothers put their (no longer) estranged father first, their in-laws first, nap time first, work first, everything first. I get the job of finding a few measly hours on the friggin' calendar where everyone is free. They started talking January. We're not even going gifts. What's so hard about finding two measly hours to spend together? No one even lives far!!!! They don't put it priority, they don't sacrifice, they have to be "free". BS!!!! There were FOUR of us in that house growing up through all the shit. We only had each other! FOUR!!! Why is that not of value? Why is it not priority? Why am I stuck figuring and re-figuring and re-figuring when we can celebrate Christmas because nothing works for anyone else? Any time works for me! I'm free! Guess what? I'm trying to make everyone else happy and I AM MISERABLE!!!! I should have moved ages ago but I held on to threads. Frayed threads. I'm reduced to tears. It matters to me and I wish it didn't. Now I kick myself. I am this close (holding thumb and pointer mm's apart) to cancelling the Christmas we can't seem to pull off... again. This is the note I will send out.
◆
i am
ebenezer
and you can
all suck it this
holiday season. i'm
do
ne
Come to think of it, why do we bother trying to get together for Christmas if it's so blessed hard? I think some of my family members might be athiest, none of us were brought up religious, and we're not exchanging gifts! Hmmm.... bah humbug!
